My singing voice is pretty reliable. Even if I'm not feeling great, and I don't sound my best, it tends to perform well under pressure. I've had moments of concern upon entering the audition room and then ended up pleasantly surprised by how well things went. And even if my voice isn't at peak performance, it's rare for it to be in such a state that the panel can tell something's wrong.
But today was a new day my friends.
I went to an audition that I was pretty excited about. The show was by a composer I love whose work is little performed. I was all geared up to do a piece by him.
When I woke up this morning I knew my voice wasn't at it's best, but figured I could make it through my 30 seconds in the room. I went in, talked with the accompanist, and was excited to sing this song I love but don't get to do very often.
The music started. I opened my mouth. As soon as I started singing I new something was wrong. I could feel the gunk moving in on me. And this time it was audible. It was obvious that I needed a drink of water or to clear my throat. Of course, there was nothing else for me to do but to sing through it.
Thankfully singing vibrates those good ol' vocal cords. After the first phrase I was golden. Well...maybe not golden, but I felt the panel had ample opportunity to hear what I really sound like.
I think, if something like this had happened when I first moved here, I would have panicked. I would have assumed that this company would believe I'm horrible and spend the rest of my time with them wondering why I even came in. But in my time here I've come to realize it's no use fretting in such situations.
There was a moment there today when I contemplated starting over (which I've never done before), but then I figured what's the point? I'm just a person, right? Sometimes things happen. Occasionally those things are in our control, but much of the time they aren't. If a room full of people can't forgive me for being a real person, than I probably shouldn't work with them anyway.
(Of course these were particularly nice people who didn't seem phased by the issue in the slightest.)
There are always other auditions and other jobs. If I cried every time I messed up a lyric, didn't sound my best, or wasn't engaged enough in the audition room I would spend a significant portion of my life in tears. Instead, I choose to forge ahead and enjoy the moment. I choose to not take myself too seriously. I choose to allow myself a mistake or two from time to time.
Today things didn't go exactly how I had hoped, but I can't wait to see what tomorrow has to offer.
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