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First Person

Dating Creative

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Dating Creative
So, dating. Yeah. Without getting too Sarah-Jess-Parker, I have come to one conclusion: 

As an actress, I need to date a creative guy.

Of course, I've always had this perfect Prince Charming in my head. Tall, dark, handsome with tattoos, educated, well-read, well-traveled, a passion for humanitarianism... and creative. Someone like Jack or Sawyer from "Lost." (After all these seasons I still can't decide which I would marry. I lean towards Jack... no, Sawyer... no... Forget it.)  Or Jeff Bridges—too old for me, but come on, you saw him in "Crazy Heart."  Wow.

I've been single for nearly a year and I'm finally ready to date.

And by "ready to date" I mean that I'm now healed in a way where I'm open to being swept away.  No longer will images of my ex won't ruin the experience, causing me to hyperventilate in the nearest bathroom. That happened when I went on a date too soon, before I was ready.  I caught myself comparing my ex to the guy across the table who, like my ex, was into comic books.  I started to cry. (And I don't even like comic books).

So, I'd like to have a crazy, exotic, passionate fling with someone. But he's got to be creative. Period.  It's important to me.  Yet I keep missing the mark. 

Is it me, or the L.A. dating pool just a tiny bit shallow?

I had a date the other night with an officer of the law. He was light-haired, muscular—perfectly designed for the cliché sexual fantasy (you know, the one consisting of handcuffs and me saying, "Oh officer, would you release me, please?"). Then... we started talking.

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Date with Policeman

Me: So, what books are you reading at the moment? I just finished "Shantaram" and luuuuuh-ved it.

Cop:  Uhhhh, no. I'm not big on the book thing. Takes too much time, you know.  All those pages.  Flipping them.  Gawd.

Me: Yeaaaahhhh.  (I sip my sake, and plot an escape.)

INTERIOR MONOLOGUE:

He doesn't like to read?  That's ok. Is it ok? Can I be with someone who doesn't like to read? What if he reads magazines? Yeah, that's fine... NO.  Magazines? Alexis, what the hellbe picky, dammit! The fucking guy doesn't read! (But he's got huge muscles, so that could make up for the whole no reading thing...)

I bet he's from L.A. Why are you even bothering dating someone from L.A.? You know dad told you to only date guys from Chicago or New York or... laundry. .Shit, I forgot to do my laundry this week! Oh, should I clean the baskets under my sink tonight?

Cop: So, wanna go for a ride in my police car?  (Hmmm. Chances of reigniting the fantasy?  Zero.)

Needless to say, there wasn't a Date Two.

*******************

Lately, I've gone on a slew of dates with not-so-creative types. And I keep wondering why I'm 'just not that into them'?  I'm obviously dating the wrong types of guys. But why?  Not creative. But what is "creative" (for a guy)? Hmmm... it's kind of ambiguous, no? Let's define it. 

creative (function: adjective; cre-a-tive)

To me, a creative person is someone who makes a living (or is striving to) in the arts—and not limited to acting.  Photographer, art director, painter, sculptor are all obviously creative jobs.

But it's more than that. It's someone who feels the need—is compelled, on a visceral level—to tell stories.  Someone who writes music, or poetry, or takes photos, or plays a guitar, or directs. Someone who knows just when to touch my lower back.  Who read "The Fountainhead" years ago. Someone who owns "Last Tango in Paris." Someone who cries and talks about their feelings, but isn't a pussy. (Yes, I did just say the P-word).

Someone who is trying to better themselves and requires 'alone time' to paint or write or something brooding-like.

Is that too picky?

*******************

Date with Mechanical Engineer

This guy was hot, hot, hot:  Tall, dark curly hair, chiseled jaw-line, tattoos, piercing blue wolf bedroom eyes. Then... we started talking.

Him:  So what do you do? (As he bites into a massive piece of lasagna dripping sauce on his chin.)

Me:   I act and I write a column and I'm working on opening an orphanage in India.

Him:  So, do you have a real job?  (Is he serious? No manners.)

Me: Acting's not a job? 

Him:  Well I mean, only one out of a million people actually make it.  (I am not sleeping with him.)

Me: What do you know about acting?

Him: The chances of becoming a famous actor are about the same as winning the lottery at the exact moment you are suddenly struck by lightning on your birthday between the hours of 1:00 and 1:15 p.m. while breaking your femur from being run over by a polar bear. SAG says 85% of actors are out of work? It's probably way more. Most of that is silly extra work. There are tens of thousands of actors who are not even in SAG. It's a pipe dream. It's a fantasy.  (This guy's a closet union rep, and I hate him.)

*******************

A creative guy would never say something like that because creative guys find the arts necessary, not a pipe dream. A creative guy would sit across the table finding a way to somehow touch my knee and sympathize with my acting struggles, and I dig that.

So... he's got to be smart, creative and have an understanding of the acting business because I'd like to be understood. And men like the cop and engineer just don't get it, and they don't get me. Maybe that'll change.  This could be a phase, you know. Phases happen to all of us. But for now I'd like to find someone creative.

I'm in the perfect city for that... L.A.? Come on.

Except dating someone creative has its drawbacks, too, now that I'm thinking about it. Creative types tend to be self-involved. So the question arises: Can there be two self-involved people in a relationship?

What I've noticed about the super-creative, artsy, ponytail, tattooed, Johnny Depp look-a-likes are that they:

1. Are great in bed;
2. Have emotional problems.

Are emotional problems a bad thing? No. Yes. Maybe.

Creative guys tend to be ultra sexy, but also have ultra emotional problems in their ultra big head.  And there's the crux of the problem: That is who I'm attracted to. 

When I'm in the same room as these types I find myself in this alternate reality of magic, ecstasy, and fantasy... but they have either drinking/drug problems or issues from their childhood they haven't dealt with yet, causing me to play a mommy figure.

Do I sound judgmental?

Believe me, I'm no saint in the emotional problem department, but If I have to be judgmental to find Mr. Right, so be it. 

So, do creative men without emotional problems (or in check), who are good in bed actually exist? 

And is that what I'm really looking for? 


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Alexis Peters is currently appearing in Garry Marshall's hit film "Valentine's Day." On the ScyFy Network, she played Ingrid in the original film "Grendel," and Sif in "Thor: Hammer of the Gods."  Other TV work: "Days of Our Lives," and the FOX pilot "Faceless." Stage roles include "Summer and Smoke" and the 2004 ADA award-winning "Moonchildren." Alexis can be reached at alexisbackstage@yahoo.com.



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