Dear Future Professional Actors:
Last week, I discussed the professional perils of being a jerk. Today, I'll talk about exceptions to the rule and some ways to cultivate nonjerkiness.
Now, my headline says "Jerks Don't Work," but we all know that's not really true, right? I mean, let's just be honest here. Most of us have met jerky working actors. If not, we've heard stories (and sometimes secret recordings) of them ranting at crew members, berating directors, throwing things at assistants, wreaking havoc, or being just plain rude. And some enjoy considerable success.
Fair enough. Some jerks do work. People in our business sometimes tolerate that kind of crap from famous names—who sell tickets, bring in viewers, or attract investors—or from the only actor available to play a role. Trust me, they'll resent it, but when there are big dollars involved or there's no other choice, they'll suffer in silence.
But here's the thing: You're not famous. You're also not irreplaceable. You might be brilliant, but the world doesn't know that yet. Anything that marks you as "difficult" this early in your career is a mistake, because it could kill your chances of even getting started—and your chances are slim enough as it is. No one has to tolerate jerkiness from a relative beginner. As Jack O'Brien, the Tony Award–winning director of "Hairspray," "The Full Monty," "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels," "The Coast of Utopia," "Henry IV," etc., says, "Your primary job is to be asked back."
Besides, at the very least, jerks work less. Less than they would if they were lovely and gracious. People can't wait to get rid of them; they hope to avoid them. Do you want to do that to your career?
There's a misconception that most well-known actors are selfish, demanding divas who treat the people around them like servants. As someone who has been working in this business for many years, I'll share something that may surprise you: 99.9 percent of the stars I've met are considerate, respectful, humble, accepting, and collaborative. Note that I did not say they were pushovers. Most embody the quality to which I most aspire: gracious strength. They'll make you feel like the most important person in the world, but they'll also be clear on what they need to do their jobs, and insist on it—and get it—with a smile. At the same time, most have reputations as "the nicest person you could ever hope to meet."
Now's the time to start emulating their behavior, cultivating the demeanor of a star-in-training rather than a jerk with whom no one wants to work. Here are some suggestions:
Figure out what is and isn't your job. If it's not, stay out of it. I used to get livid if a lighting cue was late. Not my department. Lighting is the purview of the lighting folks. It's my job to be an actor. Complaining about things that don't directly affect one's job is the behavior of a jerk. Gracious, established, working actors tend to focus on their own tasks.
There's a familiar backstage conversation that usually begins with the phrase "Don't you think...?" "Don't you think the lights should be dark if it's supposed to be a scary scene?" "Don't you think that sound cue is kind of loud?" "Hello? Wouldn't she yell that line?" Watch yourself. Those participating might be mentally tagging you as a troublemaker. Let others damage their careers with armchair directing. Keep criticisms to yourself.
If you do need to discuss something you have a problem with, go to the person who can fix it. Recreational bitching is a fine pastime, but it's not effective. Telling your castmate that your costume doesn't fit won't make it fit. Rather than getting angrier, try going to the costumer. And when you have those conversations, watch your tone. Approach with the assumption that the other person is an intelligent collaborator, one worthy of your respect and on the same team. You'll get a better response. Jerks start with accusation and try to make people feel stupid. No one likes that.
Anyone can act nicely toward a person he or she respects. It's the savvy actor who develops the ability to be lovely and gracious toward people who aren't good at their jobs. Our business is riddled with mediocrity; don't let that trigger your jerkiness. A successful actor once imparted to me a very simple bit of great wisdom. "I just try to remember," she said, "that no one is ever trying to do a bad job. You mustn't get angry with people for being bad at something."
Next, let's say you're among the many actors who have emotional problems. (You wouldn't be alone; most of us are fairly nutty.) Maybe you're a hothead with a crazy temper. Maybe you're paranoid. Take care of that stuff. Get help. And in any case, don't bring it to work. Regardless of how justifiable your personal baggage may be ("I'm like this because I had a miserable childhood!"), making others pay for it can hurt your career.
Don't be a spokesperson. If everyone in the cast is grumbling about how cold the theater is, don't be the person who goes to management with "Everyone in the cast feels...." They'll throw you under the bus, claiming they never said anything of the kind. You end up with a bad rep.
Make others feel important. When out socially, instead of pouncing on the first opportunity to talk about yourself, ask others what they've been up to. Always introduce colleagues and promote their talent: "This is my brilliant friend so-and-so—amazing voice. You should have seen her in such-and-such. She was incredible." And when people ask what you thought of the show, regardless of how much they say they want the truth, tell them you loved it. Listing everything you thought was wrong has no value and, on a subconscious level, registers jerk points. Praise makes people feel good, and they'll associate you with that good feeling.
I'm almost out of space, but before I close this topic, I must include these few final tips: Treat crew members with respect, learn people's names, hang up your costumes, learn to accept compliments and to give them, fight like a tiger to avoid an "us versus them" attitude between you and those in authority, and, most important, cultivate humility: There's always someone better, and there's always more to learn. These are ways to avoid being a jerk. For the sake of your careers, start now, while you're young. If you don't, I guarantee you'll learn the hard way.