What advice can you give a 30-something mother from Maryland who has spent half her life dreaming of working as an actress in New York? Over the years, I have booked under-fives on "All My Children" and some small speaking roles on shows that have shot in Maryland. I have been a Screen Actors Guild member since 1990, but the responsibilities of marriage and a child have kept my "career" on the back burner. I only have time enough for the 9-to-5 job and my "life of details," as Meryl Streep so accurately put it in "The Bridges of Madison County."
I have left my job of 10 years and am ready to pursue this, but the guilt of having an 11-year-old child and taking a chance is rough. I did get a call from an agent after taking a networking class in New York a few years ago. I took the train and didn't mention my location in Maryland. They asked me to come back for a monologue/audition night a couple of days later. I panicked because I had no monologue and had not done one for years. I took something I found in a book, and I wasn't ready. That was my chance and I blew it.
Time to pick myself up again and try, but I am hoping for some pointers.
—Maryland Mom
Dear Maryland:
First off, stop being so hard on yourself. You have no reason to feel guilty or like you blew your "chance." You have been doing what you needed to do, and because your child is growing, you are rightly now ready to move back into something you love. Instead of regret, why not honor the path you chose and assume that your timing is in fact perfect?
There's nothing like being a mom to make you a better actor. Think of all the compassion, patience, fortitude, perspective, and ability to withstand pain and discomfort that your parenting has given you. You're also not a dime a dozen. Pity all those young kids, fresh from school, competing against each other. Lucky you—you're no longer in the most overcrowded age and type category. Sure, there are veterans in your category, but you don't have to go out for the same roles they're vying for, at least to begin with.
Instead of worrying about an idealized, textbook acting career, come up with a balanced plan that you and your family can live with. Be honest with yourself about your geographic limitations and personal priorities, but instead of bemoaning what you can't do, maximize what's possible. Can you, for example, afford to spend the night in New York several times a month? Can you do plays there? Or do you need to stick to shorter film and television jobs? How often are you willing to travel to New York for auditions and callbacks? Do you want to allot a limited amount of time to your career or set yourself some specific, doable goals, such as attend one open call per month or submit yourself to five representatives per week?
Actor Lauren Bone has worked on Broadway, in regional theater, and on television and has appeared in more than 30 national network commercials. She's also a mom living outside Manhattan. I asked her about your dilemma.
"Maryland to New York sounds like quite a commute," she says. "My commute is considered extreme at two hours both ways. Trying to balance extreme commuting for auditions and caring for your family is a trick I have yet to figure out, but I think the best tips I could give are these: Be very honest with your agent, your family, and yourself about what you can and cannot do. For instance, because my children are young, I told my agents that I would not be available for 'day of' auditions. It is impossible for me to arrange child care, get ready, and get to the train in time for an audition that quickly. Even an audition in the early evening is quite difficult, but as this is the standard in the commercial industry, I decided that I would have to be available in those circumstances.
"An 11-year-old is much more independent than small children, but you still need a wide network of support," she continues. "I decided that family comes first. If my child is sick or has an important event, I let my agents know [and stay home]. Finally, once you've made a decision about whether or not you can attend an audition, do not punish yourself. Move forward."
I realize you said your dream involves New York specifically, but since we're moving past the more obvious path, why not expand your Maryland possibilities? A working actor is a working actor, no matter where you make that miracle happen. In a quick search, I found a list of several Equity and numerous nonunion companies in your region. (Go to www.marylandinfo.com, click "Arts and Entertainment," then "Performing Arts.") Get in touch with your local SAG or AFTRA branch (www.aftrasagdcbalt.com). You'll be able to utilize a list of regional talent agents, the AFTRA/SAG Conservatory, and BookPALS, a volunteer program in which you might make valuable connections with other local performers.
Once you've come up with your plan, do everything you can inside those boundaries. Don't fret about what you're not doing; decide what you can do and focus fully on that. The hardest part of all of this is to start. I think you'll be surprised at what you can create in small steps.
Dear Jackie:
I have an audition to be in the ensemble of "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe," and I don't know what to wear. The audition is at a Baptist college. I am 15 and feel most comfortable in jeans, but I have seen some people say not to wear jeans.
—Getting Into Wardrobe
via BackStage.com message board
Dear Getting:
Contrary to what some student actors are told, there is no "audition uniform." Professional auditors don't expect, or want, to see a line of actors in all black. When an audition involves dance or movement, your attire should, of course, be appropriate for those activities. Neon-green booty shorts are probably not a good bet. Choose modest, attractive, and relatively neutral dance clothes and shoes.
If there's no movement component, wear something polished but in the same vibe as the character you're auditioning for. Don't literally dress the part (you don't need to run out and buy a doctor's coat or a wedding dress, for instance). Go for something that suggests the character. Some suggestions to get you in the right frame of mind: Innocent bride? Simple, light-colored sundress or lacy blouse and skirt. Young doctor? Khakis and a button-up shirt with a blazer or cardigan. Surly teen? Think Abercrombie & Fitch ad.
All that said, you're not headed to a professional audition but to a college, which may have its own audition etiquette. If you're nervous about making a good choice, I'd suggest you simply call and ask for their preferred audition attire.
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