Theater: Plays

'Satire Off Broadway'

Casting notice expires: April 7, 2013

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Company

Horn Productions
Michael Horn, prod.-dir.

Production Description

Casting "Satire Off Broadway," a sketch comedy show consisting of unpublished works about life in New York.

The show was created and conceived by Ann Bowen, Michael Horn, and members of Endangered Improv and WIGS between the years 1990 and 1996.

Rehearsal and Production Dates & Locations

Rehearses April 8-19, 9:30 a.m.-3:30 p.m. or April 9-18, 9 a.m.-3:30 p.m.; runs April 19th-April 20th.

Compensation & Union Contract Details

No pay. Actors are encouraged (but not required) to sell tickets to the show.

Auditions

Seeking submissions from: New York, NY Sign up or Log In to apply.

Girlfriend's Therapist

Rob: I don’t know about you, but doesn’t it seem sometimes that the very therapists that are trying to teach us about maintaining our boundaries have boundary issues of their own? I once volunteered to help my girlfriend in her therapy by agreeing to a session with her therapist, and this is what happened…

Allison: Hi!

Rob: How are you?

Allison: You must be Rob, sit down!

Rob: Thanks.

Allison: You know I have to tell you, I think it’s really great for you to come here. Because you know, you’re not really coming here for yourself are you?

Rob: No, I’m not.

Allison: You’re coming here to help (prompts Rob)…

Rob: Cindy

Allison: Cindy! Cindy! You know, Rob. Cindy’s been coming to me for awhile now and I really thought it was important to talk to her boyfriend. In order to understand the inner of workings of Cindy, I thought I should understand the outer workings of Cindy, and you certainly fall into that category don’t you Rob?

Rob: Well I’m certainly happy to help out.

Allison: Great! Now you know, no guards up (She gestures with her hands) Nothing here, nothing here.

Rob: It’s gone!

Allison: Because Rob, this about Cindy, it’s not about you, it’s about her. So tell me about yourself Rob, what do you do for a living.

Rob: I’m a bartender.

Allison: Oh. How long have you been doing that?

Rob: 4 years.

Allison: Ooohh. Are you planning on tending bar forever Rob?

Rob: No, no definitely not.

Allison: Oh good, good. What do you want to do Rob?

Rob: I want to be an actor.

Allison: (She makes a face) Oh, okay. You know Rob, let’s talk a little more about Rob.

Rob: Me?

Allison: I’m just curious to find out what’s going on with you. Why don’t you tell me about your childhood. Let’s work from that.

Rob: I had a great childhood!

Allison: Okay, good, tell me about your earliest memory.

Rob: Oh, okay, I guess my first memory is of playing baseball with my dad in the park.

Allison: Oh, okay. Did he use a bat Rob?

Rob: A bat? Yes.

Allison: A wooden bat Rob?

Rob: Yes.

Allison: So you’re earliest recollection of this “wonderful” childhood is of a man, towering over you swinging around a big old wooden bat. Is that what I’m hearing Rob? You’re looking up at good old dad, he’s holding a giant club and swinging it around. Is that what you’re saying Rob?

Rob: Yeah, I guess. I just never really saw it that way.

Allison: No, that’s good Rob. I’m feeling that you’re opening. I’m hearing Rob. I’m liking what I’m hearing. Let’s move on. This is good. This is good. Tell me about your mom.

Rob: ok

Allison: Let’s hear about Rob’s mom, what’s your first memory of your mom?

Rob: My mom’s great. She was a great cook. I remember her cooking all the time!

Allison: Ooh, okay. Did she use knives Rob?

Rob: Yeah.

Allison: Yeah ok. So you’re looking up at mom. You’re down there tugging on her apron and your mom is there holding a big old stainless steal knife. Is that what I’m hearing Rob?

Rob: Yeah, I guess so.

Allison: This is your “happy” childhood. That’s ok Rob. Rob, a lot of people don’t remember their inner workings. They remember it in a certain way and then we like to flesh it out Rob. That’s what we’re doing here, we’re fleshing it out. Fleshing it out. Okay. Can we go on?

Rob: Sure

Allison: What about your friends Rob. Tell me about your best friend.

Rob: Ok. Well my best friend is Mike. He’s a waiter at the restaurant where I bartend. In fact, we’ve been best friends since kindergarten. We do everything together. He’s the 1 guy in the whole world that has my back no matter what.

Allison: So, you’ve made 1 friend in your whole life and then just gave up on making more friends. Both of you seem to be living in the same Peter Pan, Neverland dreamworld that the two of you make up as you go along. Does that sum it up?

Rob: Well, that’s one way to state it.

Allison: Well Rob, I’ve got good news and I’ve got bad news. What would you like to hear first?

Rob: I guess the bad news.

Allison: Well Rob, the bad news is that after talking to you I’ve decided that you’re not going to be the best fit for Cindy. She and I discussed it in our last session and she decided that if I thought you weren’t good for her then Cindy would break up with you, so that’s what’s going to happen.

Rob: Cindy’s going to break up with me?

Allison: Yeah, you’ve just got too many issues to be a healthy match for Cindy. Sorry.

Rob: Well what in the hell could the good news be?

Allison: The good news is that your issues can be fixed. The even better news is that I just had some time open up and I can work with you twice a week. We’ll get you better Rob, does that sound good?

Rob: Can we make it 3 times a week?

Allison: Absolutely.

Rob: Thank you…

Copyright Michael Horn 2013