Performing Arts: Comedians & Improv

'Satire Off Broadway'

Casting notice expires: May 5, 2013

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Company

Horn Productions
Michael Horn, dir.

Production Description

Casting "Satire Off Broadway," a sketch comedy show consisting of unpublished works about life in New York. Director states: "Show created and conceived by Ann Bowen, Michael Horn, and members of Endangered Improv and WIGS between the years 1990 and 1996. Copyright 2013 Michael Horn. The show consists of 17 sketches and supports around 15 actors - or roughly five men and 10 women."

Rehearsal and Production Dates & Locations

Rehearsals and performances are ongoing at the Producer's Club in NYC.

Compensation & Union Contract Details

No pay. Actors are encouraged to invite an audience, but are absolutely not required to sell tickets.

Auditions

Seeking submissions from: New York, NY Sign up or Log In to apply.

Sexual Harrassment

A man and a woman are on stage the woman is reading a lett and the man is reading a paper.

Woman: I’m writing this letter to inform you that your behavior inside and outside the office is unacceptable. Continually running your hands through my hair, patting my backside or pinching my rear end when I get a glass of water. Or saying nice legs, nice chest, nice ass! I will no longer tolerate it. I am a person, not an object. If this behavior continues I WILL file a sexual harassment lawsuit. (woman stands up, walks around and opens the door to the mans office.)

Woman: Don’t get up, we need to talk. Do you understand my position in this office?

Man: Yes

Woman: Do you understand your position in this office?

Man: Yes

Woman: Do you understand our relationship?

Man: Well

Woman: Do you understand what is demanded of you and what is demanded of me?

Man: stammers

Woman: Do you respect me? Do you see me as a person?

Man: Yeah

Woman: Good! Do we understand each other? Do we understand each other?

Man: Yes, yes.

Woman: Ok, that’s good. Here (Hands him the letter), rip it up. Come on Willie, rip it up! (He starts to rip it up) Atta Boy! (She slaps him on the rear and then starts to leave) Oh, 9 o’clock at the Waldorf, I like my champagne chilled! (as an aside) I like what I do!

Screenwriters

(Two men are sitting in a screening room, the film ends and they start to clap. Their clapping fades away as they realize no one else is clapping.)

Perry: They don’t know genius.

Chris: They don’t know genius when they see it, I’ll tell you that much.

Perry: You made a masterpiece.

Chris: I made a great movie!

Perry: It had everything in it.

Chris: Everything in it!

Perry: Stars

Chris: Stars! Lots of stars!

Perry: Big stars!

Chris: Big stars!

Perry: Pitt.

Chris: Brad Pitt!

Perry: Meryl Streep.

Chris: Meryl Streep!

Perry: Will Smith

Chris: The Willenium!

Perry: The cast from Glee

Chris: All of them! Every last one of them!!

Perry: The Jonas Brothers!

Chris: All of them! The cute one too!

Perry: We had women!! We had women who took control and killed!

Chris: Yes!

Perry: It was good violence

Chris: Very good violence! Lots of blood! That’s what sells!

Perry: We had kids!

Chris: We had the kids!

Perry: Smart kids!

Chris: Kids so smart they made that punk from Jerry Macguire look stupid!

Perry: Kids that could kill and take over!

Chris: Like tiny Terminators!

Perry: The animals that could talk!

Chris: That dog that could drive a standard transmision! Who does that?

Perry: Brilliant! Brilliant! Brilliant! And when little Jane turns out to be little Johnny! With the Penis! Very Crying Game, that was brilliant.

Chris: Thank you!

Perry: We had the bad guy that wouldn’t die.

Chris: Always a classic!

Perry: Psycho roommates always works.

Chris: Always!

Perry: What else does a movie need?!

Chris: Maybe when we cast Bruce Willis as a Japanese ballerina, maybe we went wrong there!

Perry: I was thinking that was a typo!

Chris: Yeah well, you have to try.

Perry: Where do we go from here.

Chris: Sequel! Think sequel!

Perry: Sequel! Ok! We get the stars back!

Chris: Ok! We get the stars back!

Perry: Stars!

Chris: Bring Arnold back! Maybe we’ll cast him as something else!

Perry: Like what?

Chris: A watery thing! A shark!

Perry: An ocean going super hero

Chris: Big Ahnuld in a shark suit!

Perry: You’re brilliant

Chris: Thank you! And we need, we need, we need

Perry: A girl!

Chris: A girl! Good looking, kind of sea horsish

Perry: Hillary Swank!

Chris: Yes! She’s in! Get her! We get her and we get Arnold together!

Perry: A little mermaid with an ocean going super hero shark!

Chris: Yes, very environmental, people dig it, very current!

Perry: A plot?

Chris: Plot…

Perry: They’re very hungry, they go out for food, they’re sifting for plankton and …

Chris: And they have a little spawn. Little Justin Beiber!

Perry: Beiber!

Chris: So they’re out sifting plankton, and Beiber is left swimming alone!

Perry: Swimming Alone! That’s the title!!

Chris: Swimming Alone!

Perry: Sequel! Sequel!

Chris: My good man, I think we have a film to make!

Perry: Let’s go!