NY Review: 'Thirds'

How many different ways can you divide an estate? Or write a play about the process? Well, in “Thirds,” author Jacob M. Appel hasn’t found a new way to do either. Utilizing stereotyped characters in an overdone situation, Appel tries to force laughs out of his audience with jokes that don’t work. (Or maybe the problem is a result of Kevin Brewer’s adaptation, though why a world-premiere play has an adapter makes absolutely no sense.) The warring sisters argue in circles for two hours, and when they reach a resolution, we feel relief rather than satisfaction.

Older sister Delilah and baby sister Maya can’t decide on who should get to keep their late mother’s house, so Maya, the free-spirited artist, decides to build a brick wall through the living room. Anal-retentive middle sister Olivia has been charged with making sure that everything is divided equally, and as the stress of her sisters’ fighting is making her hair fall out, she threatens to sell their childhood home unless they can reach an agreement. Delilah, the control-freak, stay-at-home mom, wants the house for its school district. Maya wants it for the memories. Olivia wants everyone to get along. They argue about this for 45 minutes in Act 1. No one changes her mind.

The second act picks up some steam, thanks to the only intriguing character, Phyllis, the sisters’ crazy childhood neighbor, who married rich and wants to buy the house so that she can create the childhood she never had. Phyllis is downright loony, but at least she lends some much-needed drama to the sisters’ stale conversation. Jenna Panther delicately walks a fine line between overdramatic and sympathetic in the role, which makes it easier to buy Phyllis’ preposterous theories.

The not-untalented actors have the difficult task of breathing new life into clichés, and Zac Hoogendyk’s loose-reined direction doesn’t help. As sex-crazed librarian Olivia, Laura Faith can’t overcome the character’s tangential relationship to the central action. Kelly Strandemo is believable as a directionless 20-something, but her loud volume and busy gestures tend to swamp Maya. Leigh Williams at least finds some sympathetic aspects to Delilah’s hard-nosed exterior, particularly in the scene in which Delilah reads an old letter from her mother.

It’s not that I don’t understand the characters’ predicament. I grew up in the same house my entire life, and if my parents ever sell that property, I’ll probably behave no better. But if it ever does come to the point of fighting about it, I hope no one has to listen.

Presented by Heiress Productions at the Lion Theatre, 410 W. 42nd St., NYC. March 8–18. Wed.–Fri., 8 p.m.; Sat., 2 and 8 p.m.; Sun., 3 p.m. (212) 239-6200, (800) 432-7250, or www.telecharge.com.