In which we can’t stay the word "dead"
Michelle isn’t sleeping because something bad happened, so she’s just sipping wine on the beach in her party dress. As you do when your spouse of exactly one day may or may not have just died. But then we’re at the high school—don’t break out in hives or anything, we won’t be here long—where the girls are sitting out of gym class because they have a note that says they can’t do anything where balls fly near their faces. (Or wait, was that “Clueless”?) Anyway, Baby Megan Hilty manages to inform Sasha and the other girl that Hubbel is dead without saying the word. And then we’re off again, back at the house with Fanny who is obsessed with getting a tent for the memorial service. (Because Buddhists don’t do funerals, duh.)
In which we wonder if Michelle has been changed for the better
We’re back at school and the girls are jailbreaking Boo out of class so they can go see a movie. And STILL, no one has said the words “Hubbel is dead.” And then, we’re in the gazebo, where Fanny is surrounded by Buddhists and Wiccans and suburbanites, oh my! She is dictating lists of important things that need to be accomplished for the epic memorial service - find massive colored tent, memorize list of Buddhist traditions off the Internet, etc. And then, BOOM, we’re in the dance studio where Michelle is trying to dance through her feelings, but SHE CAN’T, you guys, because… because she knew Dead Hubbel, she’s been changed for good. Michelle’s attempts to dance it off are interrupted by the girls RUNNING up for dance class, a scene in which we learn that big-boned Boo is miraculously in better cardiovascular condition than her friends.
In which we’re starting to get whiplash from scene changes
For a hot second we’re back in the dance studio, where Baby Megan Hilty, who continues to be the only person who wears color or knitwear, gossiping about Hubbel’s death. (We’re finally using the words “dead” and “Hubbel” in the same sentence.) Keep up, though, you guys, ‘cause we’re going back to the gazebo so we can watch as Fanny attempts to find someone to print the Dalai Lama’s face on cocktail napkins so she can finally cross that off her list. Cut to the kitchen where Truly is being the girl who wishes she was really Fanny’s daughter-in-law and is cleaning or organizing casseroles or whatever. Then Fanny joins us inside and bonds deeply with Truly, while Michelle looks on, feeling left out. Because even though they dance-bonded in the last episode, Fanny doesn’t like Michelle again. Apparently dance-bonding only holds you together for so long.
In which Michelle states the obvious
And we finally get to really focus on poor Michelle for a hot second. She’s got friends who think she’s cursed with men—and really, with Hubbel all dead and stuff, they probs have a point—and she’s walking some strange dude’s disproportioned dog and feeling lost, literally and figuratively. (We all kind of figured out back around the time she married a total stranger after he bought her a sparkly watch, but now Michelle is telling us. Just so we’re all clear.) Michelle stops in a bar, where she blithely quotes “The Weight”—one of the BEST SONGS EVER—at the strange dog, and makes friends with some locals who pour her lots of tequila before one of Fanny’s Wiccan friend appears out of nowhere to seek guidance for a nude sculpture of Hubbel. Fanny is so out of her mind, you guys, she’s commissioned a nakkee sculpture of her son.
In which everybody has feelingz
Michelle has had it. She’s been getting calls from potential vendors for the memorial service, while Fanny claims to be on some kind of Buddhist silence mission thing—hey now, we’re only being as culturally insensitive as the show has been, all episode—and she can’t take it anymore. So she’s going to make Fanny talk. And thank
In which dance fixes everything again
Boo is knocking on the door and we all know she’s up to something when she starts rambling about an overflowing sink and needing a wrench. Like that girl would know what to do with a wrench. Really, Boo is just trying to get Fanny to walk over to the dance studio, where everything is decorated in a vomit-enducing explosion of pink tulle. That seems logical for a pseudo-memorial-service for a 48-year-old-man named after a telescope. The girls/extras pull off some seriously remarkable dancing after only three hours of rehearsal—oh, the magic of TV—and Fanny’s heart unfreezes and she finally asks Michelle how she’s doing. And then we see a cute boy who was friends with Hubbel and we all think he’s trouble just cause he’s cute and still has a pulse. But really, he’s trouble because he manages Hubbel’s will. And we find out that somewhere during the 45 seconds they were married, Hubbel named Michelle his heir. She owns the property and everything. Fanny looks stoked about it, too, right? Oh… wait…
CLIFFHANGER AGAIN YOU GUYS!
Laura Motta and Aileen McKenna blog as Lucky and The Mick on their Broadway-themed blog of insanity, The Craptacular.