All budding thesps brought up in the UK will, at one point, have stood on the school stage dressed as baby Jesus’ manger or similar.
My own entry into the world of nativity plays, in a wild mishmash of cultures and religions, was as the burning bush which spoke to Moses, in that well-known Christmas story, Baby Moses. The next year, I was the tree that Mary and Joseph passed on their way to Bethlehem, which helped develop my niche “shrubs and vegetation” acting portfolio.
Better actors will have had starring roles as the Angel Gabriel, or the heavily pregnant Mary, doing some heavy-duty acting by looking surprised when a baby doll falls from under their gym sweater. But one thing’s for sure: we can all now look back and appreciate the life lessons the Christmas play gave us.
It’s fine to play the supporting role
Nobody ever says: “Didn’t the shepherd do a brilliant job?” No, the attention is all on Mary, Joseph, and the baby. The school play teaches you that it’s just fine to hover in the background. You never get blamed for when things go wrong, and let’s face it – there’s absolutely no pressure to do well. The important life lesson is that people who chill have a better time. There’s no stress, no panic. You just have to stand at the back wearing a halo made out of pipe cleaners.
Life is a team effort
When you forgot your line in the Christmas play, as you obviously did because you were like five years old and not Einstein, it’s unlikely there was total silence. Your teacher is in the wings with the prompt book; the class swot not only learned their lines but also all your lines too so is yelling them at you; your family are in the audience clapping while you stammer: “There is a star” – basically, life is a team effort, and don’t you forget it.
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Crying in public is fine, and can get you sympathy points
Hey, no one here believes in emotional manipulation. But if there’s one thing your school play taught you is that bursting into tears mid-line because you want cookies/the bathroom/to stop impersonating ancient flora, it’s that crying is cute. It gets you out of tight spots. And people will feel sympathy for you and forget the moment you kicked the sweet Wise Man/your nemesis Michael in front of 400 horrified parents 30 minutes earlier.
Props are overrated
In the school play, there was a cardboard box for the cradle, a small child wearing cotton wool for the sheep, and an imaginary door for the stable. This will teach you the pleasures of black box theatre, where audiences are encouraged to imagine that they are indeed waiting for Godot in the middle of torrid wasteland, and not sitting in a warm theatre in East Hackney.
A good script will carry you
The school Christmas play gets lots of laughs partly because it’s so bad that parents are panicking hysterically about how their child can’t remember to say the word “look”, and partly because if you’re lucky, the teacher will have written it and scoped out lots of potential for adult innuendo. Actors, appreciate your writers. Even if you forget a line or two in real, grown-up acting life, a good script will stand up to any amount of mauling.
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