Be Bad Until You Are Good, and Good Until You Are Great

The following Career Dispatches essay was written by actor Fei Ren, who can currently be seen co-starring in “Polar,” a Netflix original film.

This past month marked two milestones in my career: “Polar,” a film I co-starred in, is the No. 1 trending movie on Netflix internationally, and I also received a nomination for the Canadian Screen Awards for my performance in “This Blows,” a CBC web series. It’s thrilling, but I still remember earlier in my career feeling at times so defeated that I thought I would never book a job, let alone have a career. Looking back at my journey, I am grateful for a few important lessons and want to share them with you.

I started acting late in life. In the midst of an identity crisis post-graduation from university, I finally acknowledged my desire to do something for myself and dared to pursue my passion for the performing arts. I was fully committed and enrolled in four different acting classes every month for years. However, starting when I did stressed me out when I didn’t see bookings happening right away, and I used to judge myself so hard that I wanted to throw up every time I watched my self-tapes. It was excruciating. At times, I thought I would never “get it.”

One day, I came across this quote: “Be bad until you are good, and good until you are great.” I immediately put it on my phone’s lock screen. It’s a daily reminder that I am on the path of learning and I have to accept that wherever I am, as long as I keep on practicing, I will be better someday. It’s a process. What I experienced at the beginning of my training was just a stage of learning: consciousness of incompetence. The key is to accept that building the craft is a process, and it takes time to grow and to trust that all the mistakes and screw-ups are golden nuggets that lead to brilliant discoveries.

READ: How to Audition for Netflix

Therefore, keep trying, keep failing, and keep learning. Stop judging and enjoy the journey! Now, after five years of training and working, I don’t want to throw up anymore while watching myself. I can look at my work objectively and think constructively. Well, most of the time—I am still continuing to grow.

Auditioning can be a dreadful process. Talking to lots of directors and producers, I realized they often don’t really know what they are looking for until they see what the actor brings and makes them discover their vision for the character. I have to always remind myself not to fall into the trap of trying to guess what they want to see, because often they don’t even know beforehand. Just get connected with the role, be well prepared so you can be free, own it, and be in it. That way, our presence can shine through and fulfill the filmmakers’ imaginations.

And even if a booking doesn’t work out, they might have another role for you down the line. This happened to me with “The Romeo Section.” I auditioned four times for this one role, but didn’t book it; however, the writer got to know my work during the process and wrote in a role that was even more exciting for me to play. I learned that instead of seeing an audition as a test, we should see it as a chance to be seen for what we can offer. Don’t get attached to the outcome or worry about if producers would like it. Be there and serve the character and the story—and have fun!

Same principle of serving the character goes for when we get on set. Leave your ego outside, and be so prepared that you can be free. When we started filming “Polar,” I was star struck. My ego came in the shape of wanting to please and impress the director and the rest of the cast. I started to panic after the first day because I didn’t feel like I knew my character anymore even though I did loads of prep work to step into it. Luckily, one of my mentors told me, “Go to set, do the work, and leave! It’s simple. Nothing else matters.” It was such a good reminder that our job is to serve the character, not our ego. Whether our character has one line or is the hero of the story, we are there to bring it to life.

Once I began to focus only on the work, I had so much fun! I was able to balance my own idea of the character with the influence and inspirations that I got by freely talking with the director and allowing the chemistry with the cast and creative team to feed me. Honestly, all the stars in the movie are such passionate actors and down-to-earth humans. They set such a great precedent for everyone on set.

Lastly, I want to address the toll that acting sometimes brings on our emotional and physical well-being. Developing a supportive system and a self-care routine is crucial for our health and career longevity. We learn many ways to step into a character—all the rituals, the relaxations, vocal warm-ups, the character work. However, learning how to step out of a character when you finish a heavy project is equally important. Surround yourself with loving people who truly root for you and ground you. Have professional support, whether it be a psychologist, physiotherapist, life coach or spiritual guide. Develop a routine that takes you back to yourself: meditation, exercise, hiking—whatever works for you, please take good care of your overall being. Because after all, if we don’t care of ourselves, how can we use our bodies and minds to create?

In conclusion, you should enjoy the process of building the craft and focus on serving the character. Take good care for yourself and have fun! I hope you all find joy and fulfillment in this magical, wild, complicated, frustrating and fulfilling career.