Many years ago, I was woken by an 8 a.m. phone call from someone asking, “What role would you like to play?” Having no idea what on earth he was talking about, I wiped my eyes, sat up and tried to clarify. “Sorry, who is this?” The voice enthusiastically continued, “What’s your ideal role?”
Turns out this guy was briefly a student of mine years earlier and he wanted me to write some scripts, get my crew together, act with him, edit the material, and provide it to him for his reel. I suppose he was thinking it would be an opportunity for me to play a role I’ve always dreamed of playing but I was already writing, acting in and directing my own plays and short films, so I wasn’t seeing a return for my investment.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind him asking but in that conversation, I asked at least five times what he was talking about. What he wanted. In the end I had to say it for him. So no, I don’t mind the asking. But I do mind the timing, the presumption, and the subterfuge. Acting like he was in some way doing me a favor was the kicker. This was not polite, this was not respectful, and this was not professional. It is, however, a great way to ensure that someone will avoid answering the next time you call.
Relationship building takes time, consideration and effort, but it’s actually incredibly simple.
I have another former client for whom I’m more than happy to do favors because he does them for me as well. He’s affable, talented and hard-working, and I’m always happy to help him with my thoughts on what I call traps and hurdles in scripts when he sends them to me prior to castings. I provided him with some clarification and closure over the phone just yesterday when he was frustrated with feedback from a casting director in the audition he’d just left.
READ: The 1 Thing Better Than Being a Perfectionist
He asks little, demands nothing and ends up getting a lot from me. He promotes my work in return because he believes in me too, so it’s a perfect little unspoken quid pro quo arrangement. I am grateful for our relationship, as I’m sure is he.
I don’t believe you should attempt to create relationships with people you don’t like, regardless of their fame and wealth. It’s too difficult a relationship to maintain, and like sleeping with famous people in order to get places, it usually only raises you to the middle—not the top.
Find people you genuinely like. Surround yourself with passionate, talented, considerate people, and soon enough they’ll be the leaders in the industry, as will you. Follow the celebrities constantly and all you’ll look like is a perpetual try-hard or stalker.
Since moving to America, I have been asked many times to write references for Australian actors seeking employment papers over here. Of the handful I have agreed to support in the end, only one of them has alerted me to the result of their application. Each one was accepted, but most I found out about in a Facebook post.
Think about that for a second: You ask an industry professional to stake their reputation on you to move to another country, you score the big thumbs up, your life changes in a huge way, and you don’t contact one of the few people who actually contributed to that success. Does that seem like a good way to build relationships in this industry?
Hint: It’s not.
As I outline in more detail here, the three C’s of forging powerful relationships in this industry are contact, content, and commitment. If you already know someone in person—or even online—you’ve made contact. The content of your interactions are then highly critical because who wants to be around someone who only takes and never gives, or someone with whom you have nothing in common? Then, in the end, the commitment to follow through with favors returned or gratitude earned is the best way to ensure that an industry acquaintance becomes a lifelong ally.
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and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Backstage or its staff.
