Our Expert: Alena Gerst is a psychotherapist specializing in performing artists. Gerst is passionate about helping people develop skills to cope with the highs and lows that are unique to life as a performer. She is the author of “A Wellness Handbook for the Performing Artist” and the owner and director of the group psychotherapy practice Inside Psychotherapy NYC.
Dear Alena,
I feel like there just isn’t enough time in the day. Between audition appointments, voice lessons, class, and my survival job, when am I supposed to do other things for myself? I can barely get all of the “have-to-do’s” done as it is. I hardly even sleep anymore, let alone see my friends. I cry a lot now. How can I find some balance?
—Trying to Catch My Breath
Dear Trying to Catch My Breath,
I once had a teacher who told me the universe sends you signals all the time. And if you don’t listen, it drops a piano on your head.
I know it can sometimes feel like you have two careers when you’re juggling your performing career and a day job to pay your bills. You can find yourself so busy that you don’t even realize how much you are depriving yourself of your most basic needs to stay physically healthy and emotionally well. It sounds like you have been pouring all of your energy into your continued training and in finding work. I get that sometimes when you book a job, just doing that job alone can feel like a vacation!
But during those times when you are in between jobs, pounding the pavement, taking your classes and lessons, and earning money that you need to survive, it’s critically important that you make intentional choices to ensure you can sustain the pace you’ve set for yourself.
In his book “Meditations for Mortals: Four Weeks to Embrace Your Limitations and Make Time for What Counts,” author Oliver Burkeman writes about that feeling of an endless to-do list. He calls this a “productivity debt.” Many people wake up (if they were able to sleep at all!) and start each day with this feeling of already being behind. Through this framework, Burkeman writes that the optimal way to end your day would be if you can get your productivity debt to “zero” by the time your head hits the pillow. You did everything you set out to do, nothing got in your way or distracted you, and you can finally rest.
Until… you wake up the next day and a new productivity debt begins. You may feel this debt as soon as you open your eyes, or at the latest, the moment you pick up your phone to check your inbox and calendar. He writes of the productivity debt being “the sense of fighting against time, the sense of being hounded or oppressed by time.”
Here’s the bottom line: The last thing you need is to burn yourself out. If you are fortunate enough to book a job, you don’t want to show up too sick and exhausted to give the role your best. Your letter suggests how dedicated you are to your profession and how much energy you pour into your work. But there are some signs that signal you need to take a pause and re-assess how you are prioritizing your time and energy, for your own well-being and longevity.
Ask yourself these questions:
1. How’s your sleep? Look out for challenges like having trouble falling or staying asleep, sleeping too much, or just being too busy to make time for sleep.
2. Are you eating well? Are you grabbing a hotdog on the go, or picking up whatever is closest between tasks?
3. How are your movement habits? Yes, walking and dancing count. I would encourage you to ask yourself if there are other movement activities that appeal to you, and are you making even a little time for them?
4. Do you have good friends? Are you tending to those friendships? A performing career can eat up all of your waking hours if you let it. Be sure to leave some friend time in there, too. Maybe even some friend time where you talk about other things!
5. Do you have quiet time? I know, I know… who has time for quiet time? There’s so much to do! But I would argue that if you feel there isn’t time for you to have a little bit of solitude each day, then eventually your physical or emotional health will make sure you get it.
6. Are you checking in with your feelings? You mention you are crying a lot, which is not uncommon for people living in a constant state of overwhelm. Some people feel like they are numb and unable to feel pleasure, joy, or even sadness. This can happen if you’ve been going on autopilot and not checking in with yourself and your needs.
We want to be sure that you are not just “surviving” as a performer. We want you to thrive! If your busy-ness is impacting your basic everyday functioning like adequate sleep, exercise, nutrition, social time, and rest, that’s a sign that you need to pay closer attention to yourself, not just your work. In tending to yourself, you are setting yourself up for a long and much healthier career.
The last thing you need is a proverbial piano landing on your hopes and dreams.
Disclaimer: This column is for informational purposes only. Advice given in this column cannot substitute for, and is not an alternative to, medical or other healthcare diagnosis and treatment. Consult your healthcare provider for any medical or mental health issues that you may be having.