From Audrey Hepburn to Idris Elba, it is a truth universally acknowledged (to paraphrase Jane Austen) that a person in possession of a good amount of charm will make it far in life. History is littered with those who have successfully used their charm to gain greater acceptance and influence—but even beyond that, being charming is a great quality particularly for performers. Let’s explore ways to burnish your charm to take your networking and performance skills to the next level.
Put simply, charming people light up whatever room they walk into. They approach the world with a genuine curiosity, meeting people and situations from a place of real interest that makes others feel seen and appreciated.
“If you want people to like you, make them feel good about themselves,” explains psychologist and former FBI special agent Dr. Jack Schafer in the book “The Like Switch.” If you want to know how to charm people, the best place to start is making sure everyone around you feels seen and heard.
Is charm different from charisma?
Charm and charisma are often paired together, and with good reason: the two traits are quite similar, but there is a key difference. According to the Oxford English Dictionary, charm is defined as “the power or quality of giving delight or arousing admiration.” Charisma, similarly, is “compelling attractiveness or charm that can inspire devotion in others.”
In other words, the question of charm versus charisma is one of degree. We might consider charm to be the more surface-level moves that open up inroads with new people, whereas charisma is a stronger evolution of charm that speaks to wider audiences.
How to Be Charismatic: Tips, Tricks, and Expert Advice
There’s a reason Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People” is one of the bestselling books of all time: People naturally understand the benefits of being liked and respected. Actors and other performers are no different and are sure to benefit from putting in the work to make themselves come across as more charming to friends, coworkers, agents, casting directors, audiences, and more.
When a performer is capable of turning up the charm, they make themselves not only more beloved but also more memorable. For natural charmers, networking is a breeze, their effortless effervescence putting even the grouchiest people at ease—think of the buoyant Leslie Knope (Amy Poehler) interacting with the grumpy Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman) on the NBC comedy “Parks and Recreation.” By learning some key skills, performers can train themselves to be the kind of captivating star that others just can’t wait to see again.
There’s no one single way to be charming, but there are quite a few tricks a charismatic performer might have up their sleeve to turn up the charm.
1. Make eye contact.
Uncomfortable though it can be, there’s no denying that making and keeping eye contact with the person or people you’re talking to plays a key role in forging a strong connection between you. When you’re speaking, consistent eye contact conveys passion and excitement; when others speak, it shows that you’re listening carefully.
Just watch how the incredibly charming Keeley Jones (Juno Temple) makes eye contact with Rebecca Welton (Hannah Waddingham) in this clip from HBO’s “Ted Lasso”:
2. Learn people’s names.
Charming people make the people they’re around feel better about themselves, and one of the easiest ways to do that is to remember others’ names. Try repeating a person’s name back when they’re introduced to you. If you’re able to think on your toes, try making up some mnemonic devices in your head to solidify the memory.
3. Listen with intent.
Don’t just passively listen when someone else is telling you something; put in the effort to be thoughtful about what they’re saying. In today’s rapidly moving world, it’s more important than ever to practice active listening with conversational partners. Repeat back key words and phrases when appropriate and ask clarifying questions to prove you’re not just listening, but engaging, too. As a performer, it can be hard not to focus on how you’re being perceived by others, but take a step back and focus that energy instead on listening to what others have to say.
How to Communicate Better as an Actor4. Be vulnerable.
Being charming is about finding the balance between ease and honesty. Nobody wants to be around someone who puts on a facade of perfection; instead, open up and allow your humanity to show. People prefer others who aren’t too full of themselves; know that there’s no shame in expressing vulnerability or even laughing at yourself when the situation calls for it.
For example, after falling up the stairs at the 85th Oscars, Jennifer Lawrence allowed herself to be vulnerable, both by being emotional during her acceptance speech and also by making fun of her clumsiness for years to come:
@oscars Jennifer Lawrence chats with #Oscars Ambassador Amelia Dimoldenberg about her best tips for not falling down on the Oscars red carpet. #oscars2024 #jenniferlawrence #ameliadimoldenberg ♬ original sound - The Oscars
5. Make others feel interesting.
People are naturally attracted to others that make them feel interesting and important, so try to show genuine interest. “Imagine the other person is a character in an indie flick,” suggested Olivia Fox Cabane, author of “The Charisma Myth.” “You’ll find yourself observing and showing genuine interest in their mannerisms and personality.”
6. Use positive facial expressions and body language.
Genuine smiles (the kind that reach your eyes) communicate respect toward others and naturally draws them to you. Open, relaxed body language is another way to charm your audience: It’s much easier to communicate with someone who looks receptive to your words.
As Anna Scott in the 1999 rom-com “Notting Hill,” Julia Roberts employed her genuine smile to great effect, particularly in the “I’m just a girl” scene:
7. Meet the world with genuine curiosity.
There’s maybe nothing more charming than a person who’s open to the many wonders of the world. Learn about a wide variety of people, cultures, and ideas, and always meet something new with eager interest. The more you come to engage with parts of the world outside your own, the more you’ll have to share with others and the more charming you’ll become in turn.
Kathy Hutchins/Andrea Raffin/DFree/Shutterstock
These celebs aren’t only acting greats—they’re also incredibly charming:
- Ryan Gosling (“Barbie,” “Blade Runner 2049,” “The Notebook”) was renowned for his warmth and likability—even before being “Kenough.”
- Pedro Pascal (“The Last of Us,” “The Mandalorian,” “Game of Thrones”) is known for his self-deprecating humor, undeniable onscreen chemistry, and overall grooviness.
- Emma Stone (“Poor Things,” “La La Land,” “Easy A”) has a reputation for being not only clever and kind, but also endearingly awkward.
- Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson (“Black Adam,” “Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle,” “Moana”) radiates positivity, making it feel like you could easily be his friend.
- Samira Wiley (“The Handmaid’s Tale,” “Orange Is the New Black,” “The Sitter”) exudes joy and charm with every grin.