The other night, I was out for dinner with Mrs. Secret Agent Man, and I had an experience that shook me to the core. We were enjoying a meal at our favorite Italian spot when I noticed a man watching me from across the room. Every time I looked up, there he was, staring right back. It got to the point where I was ready to get up and confront him. But then I realized that I was looking at a mirror.
In my mind, I’m still a young guy, fresh out of college, ready to take on the world. But that reflection was the real me: a man pushing 40 who’s been around the block a few times. It was a painful lesson about our inability to see ourselves as we really are.
(I should probably mention I had more than my share of Chianti that night.)
Anyway, this moment of clarity got me thinking. Actors often find themselves in the same situation. I find that the ability to deny reality is an essential part of surviving any creative venture. Because if you think about it, who in their right mind would choose to be an actor when the odds of succeeding are worse than winning the Powerball?
I recently attended a workshop where I met an actor in his 40s who was just starting out. He was a sharp guy who had abandoned a lucrative career as an attorney to pursue his childhood dream. I was impressed by his courage, but did I think he had a chance? Probably not. He was rigid and unskilled and would have to compete with other actors in his category who were already in the union and had years of experience.
Now, let’s take a closer look at his decision. On some level, he understood what he was doing because he’s a well-educated, successful man. But on another level, he must have had blinders on, because if he could see himself clearly, I don’t think he would’ve jumped. Instead, the guy would’ve realized he was having a midlife crisis and that the smart move was to buy a red sports car and start dating a girl in her 20s.
Denying reality can prevent you from seeing the mistakes you’re making.
Over the years, I’ve had arguments with clients who think they play younger or are better looking than they really are. This is just denial. It’s how actors protect themselves.
But there have been times when an actor’s lack of self-awareness ended on a positive note. I remember once when a client called me after an audition to apologize because she had totally tanked in the room. The girl explained her focus was off and there was zero response when she finished. I let her go on for a while and then I explained the casting director had already called to offer her the job.
Denying reality can also prevent you from seeing the good things.
So what’s the right balance here? How much self-awareness do you need to mix in with your denial skills? That’s a decision you have to make for yourself. But understanding the need to do it is a huge step toward a successful career and a much happier life.
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