I’ll probably get in trouble for this column. My editor tried to talk me out of it. But when I signed up to be Secret Agent Man, I made a pledge to always tell the truth and I’ll be damned if I stop now.
Agents live in a world where actors should know as little as possible about the business. Keeping clients in the dark is the most effective way of keeping them on your list. This is a foolish way of thinking and I’ve never subscribed to it. That’s why I’ve decided to follow in the footsteps of Julian Assange.
Today, I’m going to release portions of a top-secret document that none of you ever knew existed. I don’t know if I’ll be back next week with another column but this is just something I have to do.
I’m talking about the Talent Agent Manual.
This is a 48-page guidebook that every agent in the world receives on their first day of work. When I received mine, I was expecting to find chapters on union rules and contract language. But no, it’s not that kind of book. The Talent Agent Manual is more of a survival guide.
This is a passage from the Introduction:
“Your ability to make a living is based on the actions of others. Unfortunately, those others are actors and by definition, actors tend to be unreliable. That’s why you must never assume they understand what you’re saying.”
Now here’s an excerpt from a section titled “Always Take Credit”:
“Your clients are under the illusion that you’re not doing enough for them so always take credit for every positive development, even if you had nothing to do with it.
For example, let’s say a casting director calls to set up one of your clients for an audition. You did not submit your client for this part. The casting director explains that she remembered him from a play she saw several months ago. When you call your client about the audition, explain that you had to fight like hell to get him in the room. Tell your client you had to remind the casting director that she had seen him in a play several months ago. Your client will never know the difference and this minor fabrication will strengthen your relationship.”
And this is from a section titled “The M Word”:
“Managers are not to be trusted. Always assume they are working to undermine your bond with the client you share and take active measures to undermine them first.
For example, let’s say you are talking to a casting assistant about a client you share with a manager. The assistant explains that both you and the manager submitted the client for the same role and the audition details were just sent to the manager. Thank the assistant and then quickly call your client. Try to ascertain if the client has heard from the manager yet. If he hasn’t, explain that you just scored a huge audition for him and you will be sending the details shortly. The client will be thrilled and when the audition details arrive from the manager, the client will assume you are the one who did all the work. This will strengthen your relationship with the client.”
Unfortunately, I’ve run out of space so that’s all I can share for now. I hope these excerpts help you understand the mind of an agent. Hopefully I’ll return next week, but who knows? I might be filing my next column from a bar in Malaysia….
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