11 Things Actors Say When They Get Home After Their Summer Theater Gig

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As summer winds down, working actors everywhere are returning home from their summer theater productions. The leaves will fall, the showmances will fade, résumés will grow one credit longer, and the following things will be said.

To themselves: “I did nothing but drink for three solid months, time to get back in shape!”

To their actor friends who also booked work: “This was the best summer of my life!”

To their actor friends who didn’t book work: “You didn’t miss much. You were better off in the city.”

To their non-actor friends: “Yeah, I only made $300 a week, but it was so valuable to my résumé. You wouldn’t understand.”

To their parents: “Seriously, I only made $300 a week. Send money or I’ll be homeless.”

To their agent: “So this gig will get me seen by Jay Binder now, right?”

To casting directors: “I am glad you called me in. I just got back in town from playing…” (humble brag)

To their manager at their old job: I need shifts…like, NOW!”

To their Facebook friends: “It was so nice taking a break from Facebook…” (Followed by 11,000 consecutive posts)

To their showmance: “We will totally Skype…”

To their showmance a week later: “I don’t think this is working out.”

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