I constantly hear agent and manager friends of mine tell their clients to “not want it so much.”
You should listen to your reps more often! They’re onto something.
It seems counterintuitive because we have desires in life and have to take action to move forward in fulfilling those desires, but at the same time, we have to learn how to become detached. Agents say it. The Buddha taught it.
When we hold on to our desires and not let things unfold naturally, we’re actually working against our desire. This is because desire is basically excess energy. It’s potential. It’s the creative clay or matter that fuels us toward achievement. But when we try to force something to happen, we end up expending our energy in ways that actually work against what we want.
This is because there is an implicit sense of distrust that the thing will ever happen.
Think about it. You want something, but as soon as you want it, you concurrently believe it won’t happen, so you start to hold on or push or try to force something instead of simply allowing things to unfold organically.
It’s analogous to acting. In our work, we get scared that the moment (with its inherent chaos) is going to deliver us to where we want to go (or conversely, get very frightened that it will). So instead of going for the ride, we instead try to control or manipulate the moment. We end up pushing or “acting” or denying what is, in favor of playing an idea. We can’t try to control a moment and be empowered at the same time. They’re mutually exclusive. Controlling is not empowerment!
An acclaimed film director who recently participated in a directors series at our studio said that when he auditions actors he can feel when they want it too much and it backfires; it takes the actor out of the present moment. He also said that actors should remember to not take things personally, and that, “You're either right for the role, not right for the role, or you change the director's mind.”
You don’t change someone’s mind by forcing something. You change their mind by allowing yourself to simply be who you are.
But this brings us back to the trust issue because we inherently don’t trust that we’re enough or talented or beautiful or capable, so we effort our way to show these things.
It’s like dating. Anytime someone works so hard to impress us on a date…there won’t be a second date. Womp womp.
Simply stop trying so hard.
Declare what you want. Without guilt for wanting it. Without attachment. Without worry of “how” or “if you’re ready” or “if you deserve it.”
Then let it go. Forget about it. Move forward taking action in ways that further you along in all areas of your life.
Or simply remember this: Place the order. Then detach.
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