Being an actor isn’t easy. I don’t just mean the actual art of it or even the sometimes extensive training that goes into it. No, I mean the entertainment industry. Being in the industry is tough. There is no clear trajectory for how to become successful, at least not in the same way for instance as becoming a doctor. There is no moment of relaxation either. Sure, you can build upon your career and enjoy more success, but that never means a new job is ever promised. Then, of course, there’s the fact that everything you are is being put up for judgment. No other industry has such unique demands and stressors.
One of the biggest issues that come up in my practice is comparison. My clients will often compare themselves to their peers and struggle with self-esteem because of it. While telling me about these feelings, they often admit guilt. They know they shouldn’t compare themselves to colleagues, but they struggle to resist the urge. I often surprise them by stating, “Comparison can be harmful, but it can also be beneficial. Let’s find the ways to make it work for you.” I don’t tell them to stop comparing or give them empty platitudes about how it’s not helpful because I understand there’s a need for it too.
In a field where there’s so little you can count on, so little you can control, of course you want to find some rhyme or reason to it all. It’s appealing to believe that someone else, someone more successful, must have the secret to climbing the ladder and that maybe you can discover it as well. Often times this “secret” is simply hard work, training, or making the right connections. On occasion, there can be a kind of magic that allows someone to break through in their career. This magic may or may not apply to you and your career though. So while your desire to feel some sense of control in your career might have led you to some interesting knowledge, it doesn’t mean it’s ultimately helpful.
An Actor’s Comprehensive Guide to Self-CareSo how do we make comparison work for us? First, acknowledge that your desire to compare comes from a desire for stability or predictability in your career. It’s not a crime to want these things, in fact, it’s pretty human! Many would never even consider your career because of how much they would have to sacrifice stability, but that doesn’t mean that you have to give up all desire for some stability either. Second is seeing the difference between comparison that helps us or hurts us. I’ll admit this isn’t always clear, and sometimes it requires trial and error. There are some clear cases where it rarely seems to help however, one example being social media.
While examining the many times my clients have compared themselves to their peers on social media, I rarely (if ever!) hear them state something useful that came out of that comparison. As we all know, yet easily forget, social media is not real. In addition, another person’s happiness does not need to come at the cost of our own. Your friend booking a gig does not have to be a moment of sorrow for you. It can be an encouragement that jobs are out there! Indulging in comparison on social media though rarely gives us deep insight. Even if the poster shares most of their story online, you’re still not getting many details that will be helpful to you.
So when is comparison useful to us? Comparison is helpful when we’re using it as a way to uplift ourselves. Comparison can be useful when it brings about change and facilitates growth. Comparison is useful when it inspires learning. When comparison starts looking more like a way of hurting ourselves than of helping ourselves, that is the time to stop. Comparing your audition repertoire to someone else’s, and realizing you need a revamp is helpful. Comparing the number of gigs you booked versus your friend this year is probably not.
In the end, my clients need to make peace with the ups and downs within this career. That process of acceptance is ongoing, and of course, has moments where it’s especially tested. Working on that journey though will also lessen the need to compare, and allow them to improve their self-esteem. It’s also about reminding yourself of the reasons you chose this career. For most, that has nothing to do with being the most talented, the prettiest, or even the most successful, but instead about a love for their craft. If none of those reasons are really why you’re doing this career, put your focus back on the reasons that you are and begin enjoying your work even more than before.
Looking for remote work? Backstage has got you covered! Click here for auditions you can do from home!
The views expressed in this article are solely that of the individual(s) providing them,
and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Backstage or its staff.
