From Nicole Kidman in “Babygirl” to Colin Farrell on “The Penguin,” some of the most daring actors today have earned awards and accolades by saying yes to roles that were firmly against type. But what if you’re an early career actor who doesn’t have a flood of scripts and job offers coming your way every day?
Given how competitive auditioning is, you may feel grateful for any role you’re offered and thus feel the need to accept it no matter what. According to research from the American Psychological Association, it’s common to people-please and inflate in your mind the ramifications of saying no. The downside is, ignoring your feelings can leave you frustrated and resentful of others who are more assertive about actively going after what they want.
“Saying no doesn’t mean you’re letting someone down; it means you’re honoring your own needs and aspirations,” says licensed psychotherapist Babita Spinelli. Here’s how to make choices that align with your goals.
Rehearse saying no until it feels natural.
Just like you memorize lines and make them your own, you can use your acting skills to become more comfortable with saying no. Spinelli advises preparing “a few polite but firm responses for declining offers,” as well as framing your choice in a positive light and reminding yourself it’s a form of self-care and boundary-setting.
A Guide to Self-Care for ActorsSaying no may also apply to commitments in your personal life. Even the most seasoned actors can feel pressured into going against their feelings. Earlier this year, Broadway star Kristin Chenoweth told Wondermind, “Be OK with saying no. That can mean saying no to a visit to your friend’s house at five o’clock because you don’t want to do the traffic and you’re tired; you’ve had a long day. It can be: I don’t want to take this movie because I need to be with my parents who are elderly and I need to help them move. Don’t be afraid to say no.”
When saying no is an excuse to play it safe
If you’re thinking of turning down a role because of its size, think again. Writer-director Jane Weinstock (“Three Birthdays,” “The Moment,” “Easy”) says, “It can be very useful to take on a smaller part to show that you can play very different roles. So many actors are typecast, and there are a lot of people in the film business who have no imagination. So you have to prove that you don’t only play villains, that you can also be a nice guy.”
Taking on roles that force you to grow will make you more versatile. Film director and freelance casting director Nicola Rose (“Goodbye, Petrushka,” “Magnetosphere”) says, “It’s important to go against type,” as “juxtaposition is what makes a movie sing.” And oftentimes, casting against type can make a character more complex. “Sometimes you don’t know all the characters you have in you until you give a role a try.”
Rose adds, “If you’re lucky enough to be offered a role that allows you to do comedy, do it. There are few things more gratifying. It’s the hardest muscle for an actor to exercise, so any chance you get, I’d say jump at it.”
How to Be ConfidentSearching for substance
What if you’re offered a surface-level role or one that comes off as exploitative? Maybe it’s only about the way you look, overtly sexualized, or promotes violence in some way, leaving you feeling uneasy.
Film director Kate Kaminski (“Trip,” “The Barghest”) says, “If the part lacks substance, that’s one thing, and you could possibly bring something memorable to a throwaway role.” If it’s exploitative, though, she recommends weighing the pros and cons. If it’s a director or actor you want to work with, “even an exploitation film could potentially benefit your career. The film industry has legions of actors who started in genre films like horror who have now transcended those humble beginnings, Kevin Bacon being one.”
If possible, Kaminisky suggests finding out “what kind of set the director runs by talking to actors or crew who’ve worked with that director or producers. If the chat is all about chaos, playing favorites, or unhealthy power dynamics, that should be a hard no, no matter how juicy the role is.”
When to trust your instincts
If you read a script and have trouble trusting your gut about its quality, Weinstock says it’s a good idea to ask a trusted friend to read it. “You can also try reading scenes with a friend, preferably an actor friend, and see if the character speaks to you. If there are things about the script or character that interest you, consider doing the project in order to get your work on film. If you are more experienced and don’t need to supplement your reel, you can be choosier.”
Weinstock also says to keep in mind that “some directors are very visual and their scripts don’t necessarily reflect the beauty or complexity of their visions. Mediocre scripts have been turned into good films. Unless a project is clearly bad, you can get opportunities working on a film. You could meet other actors who will help you in the future, or other producers, directors, et cetera, who might have projects for you.”
The Energizing Acting Technique You Need to TryTo help clarify your gut instincts, Natalie Neckyfarow, an embodiment coach for actors, shares an exercise on body-centered decision-making to recognize what a “yes” and a “no” feel like in your body.
First, close your eyes and come into a meditative state. “Then ask your body a question where you know the answer is factually yes. For example, ‘Is my name Natalie?’ Then wait to see how your body responds.” Next, do the same with a question that is factually no (Neckyfarow might ask herself, “Is my name Rebecca?”), and sense how your body responds to a no.
“Once you have a clear map of how your body responds, ask yourself: Is accepting this role in my highest good? If you get the same response as you received for your previous yes or no, then you have a definitive answer,” she says.
The ability to turn down a part or risk playing an unfamiliar kind of character might be the difference between being typecast or showcasing your hidden talents. So before deciding, consider the big picture and what you want to achieve long-term. Set boundaries with your time, energy, and attention, and trust your instincts. Once you do, you’ll see that saying no and yes are different sides of the same coin—both offer the opportunity to come from a place of choice and navigate your own creative path.
Our Experts:
- Babita Spinelli is a distinguished psychotherapist, global speaker, and mental health consultant with an international reputation for her expertise in optimizing personal and professional relationships. She has been honored with the 2023 and 2022 National Psychotherapist of the Year Award and the New York Psychotherapist Award.
- Jane Weinstock is a writer-director who has made three feature films: “Easy,” “The Moment,” and “Three Birthdays.” “Three Birthdays” is now streaming on Prime Video and Apple TV+.
- Nicola Rose is a film director and writer from New York City. Her first feature, “Goodbye, Petrushka,” is streaming on various platforms. Her second feature, “Magnetosphere,” starring Colin Mochrie, Patrick McKenna, Tara Strong, Debra McGrath, and Steven He, will be released in 2025.
- Kate Kaminski is an award-winning indie filmmaker and author of two novels coming out in the spring of 2025. She lives and works in Maine.
- Natalie Neckyfarow is an embodiment coach who helps ambitious actors release stress and self-doubt to manifest their biggest and wildest dreams. Also an actor-writer-producer, she has starred in award-nominated projects and raised over $10K for her short film “The Spark” (Seed & Spark Patron’s Circle Grant from Jason Reitman).
