Back to the Front is a series where actor Naomi Wattis test-drives an array of different acting and performance courses to help get you ready for a return to the acting frontline. This week, she samples The School of Life’s “How to Fail” virtual class.
Today’s world places a huge emphasis on success and how to achieve it, but relatively little focus on how to do well at failure.
With the entertainment industry still feeling the strain of the pandemic, the likelihood is that you are not currently performing King Lear at the height of your powers every night or filming a Hollywood blockbuster opposite Ryan Gosling. So, this might be a good moment to think about making friends with failure.
“Let’s say it out loud: you have probably failed more auditions than you have won. But did you know your relationship with failure is a key driver of success?”
Yes, at risk of offending your sensibilities, let’s say it out loud: you have probably failed more auditions than you have won. But did you know your relationship with failure is a key driver of success? And at the very least, that reframing your relationship with failure will make you happier?
What is the mission this week?
The School of Life is an educational organisation to help people live a more fulfilled life through emotional intelligence. They have physical buildings all over the world and currently offer virtual classes that fall into four broad categories: work, self, love, and culture. They share regular videos and blogs through their YouTube channel and have a range of products that support self-development and emotional growth.
They believe that knowing how to live well isn’t something you are born with – it’s a skill you can practice and therefore improve.
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What’s the deal?
The class is £55 for two-and-a-half hours and is conducted over Zoom by our warm and knowledgable tutor, Deamion Broni. Participants come from all over the world, and he instantly puts us all at ease with his self-effacing tone mixed up with a bit of real talk. Buckle up.
What do you learn?
We tend to think about failure in the same way that we think about death: we are squeamish about it – we know it’s inevitable yet don’t want to admit it.
Broni helps us to get used to the idea. He uses examples from religion – the idea of “original sin” – that we are all born equally flawed before we have even done anything. And ideas from Eastern philosophy in the principle of Kintsugi, whereby a pot which was broken and then lovingly restored is given more value and status than one which has remained intact.
We could all think of ourselves as a little bit broken. Keeping the art of Kintsugi in mind can help us to embrace our flaws with dignity and shed our unhealthy relationship with perfectionism.
He explains that statistically, we are more likely to fail than succeed. If our happiness is reliant on winning in life’s lottery of success then our odds are not good and it may be time to lower our expectations. That doesn’t mean abandoning your vocation, but let’s just remember that there is only one Judi Dench, Keira Knightley and Benedict Cumberbatch. From an acting perspective, this might mean reframing our criteria for success, particularly at a time when our sector is so compromised.
“When we experience schadenfreude, it is less to do with the enjoyment of other people’s pain and more to do with relief at not being alone in our failings”
We discussed schadenfreude – the concept of enjoying the failures of others. But when we experience schadenfreude, it is less to do with the enjoyment of other people’s pain and more to do with relief at not being alone in our failings. We feel connected to one another when we share vulnerabilities.
We were asked to describe our lives like an advertisement, in the shiniest and most positive terms. We then reframed the same reality in a more negative light – and guess which version most participants connected to? That’s right – it is easier to connect and relate to others who share our vulnerabilities. This is particularly relevant in this age of social media, where many project glossy versions of their lives to the world.
Broni warned us that failure denied quickly becomes bitterness. Consider “I would have been brilliant in that role and I’m heartbroken that it went to someone else” versus “It was a done deal – they only gave the job to xxx because she’s been on EastEnders – it’s going to be rubbish, anyway.” Letting others into our vulnerability connects them to us, whereas covering it up with sour grapes is rather alienating.
We were encouraged to assess our own inner critic and I scored highly in giving myself a hard time. I was intrigued that as a performer, my USP is empathising with the characters I play, yet I’m unable to give myself a pass when it comes to my own shortcomings.
5 UK Online Acting Classes You Can Take Right Now What’s the verdict?
It’s OK, actors – we’ve got this. Greek tragedy told of noble failure. No one came out of the amphitheatre saying: “Oedipus – what a massive loser.” Instead, a tragic play was an exploration of the hero’s battle against adversity. When framing our own shortcomings, we could consider the ways we have heroically overcome our circumstances rather than beating ourselves up over unmet expectations.
Consider changing the narrative from: “My acting career failed and now I’m a delivery driver,” to: “I have heroically battled the pandemic’s impact on my industry by finding an alternative income making deliveries.” Feels better, doesn’t it? Same truth, packaged a different way.
We are so used to associating the word “success” with very particular things: status, power, and money. Yet success can mean many things we might be a “success” at following the election, or saying thank you.
We cannot be a failure at everything. For every area where we experience failure, there is another in which we have been successful. We might be terrible at making dinner but a black belt in doing the dishes. Dreadful at filing your tax return but a high priestess of making people feel good about themselves.
The ultimate antidote to failure is friendship – lean into those so you can share your failures and make them into stories. Ultimately, as performers, isn’t that what we do best?
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