Here are three ways to build a more intimate relationship with those who make your heart sing. I’m talkin about your relationship with your art, and your relationship with yourself.
1. Release yourself from judgment. Judgment and criticism destroy the energy of love. It is a toxic form of resistance. It prevents joy from flowing, it blocks true happiness, it is always based in unresolved fear, and it is lethal.
The level on which we judge others is simply a reflection of how much we judge ourselves. It is a barrier that prevents us from having a truly intimate relationship with another person or our art. It provides us an excuse—a way out when our feelings are going deeper than we have allowed before. It prevents us of living in energy of fully committing to someone or something that truly matters. It gives us a distraction of making those things an actual priority. We use it as a block from going into an unknown place we cannot control—facing our own fear of not being good enough as a person and an artist, which then stunts our emotional, artistic, and spiritual growth.
2. Resist resistance. The resistance of judgment is our tell that we have not yet formed a truly intimate relationship with the self. If you judge yourself it’s because you have scary skeletons in your closet that are slowly killing your self-worth. And then the blessing comes in the form of a person with whom you have an instant connection of spirit. They feel like a twin flame. It feels strangely good in an uncomfortable way. You immediately know this relationship is of great importance. On both sides, there is a higher form of love in play. A love that is greater than the word love. You are equally there to contribute to each other’s internal happiness, joy and success. And you will have two choices: the first is to cave to the resistance of excuses and justifications. This is too difficult. It’s too much work. It is demanding a higher standard of myself that I am not ready to give. In other words, the resistance of selfishness. So you run to the nearest person who will, instead, feed and pacify your ego. And you will feel relief.
But in time, you’ll feel regret, wondering what would have happened if you would have taken the second choice: to stay. The conflict this relationship presents is actually an extraordinary opportunity to release your own resistance that is actually a firewall preventing a true intimate relationship. Your resistance may feel like a fire, but inside your inner flame is stronger and burns so much higher.
3. Connect with your art as your own “twin flame.” You cannot become a great actor if you are criticizing yourself or others in the process. This is not a loving act, and a person cannot change from the energy of judgment. Authentic change is a transformation that comes from the energy of trust. If you are judging yourself as an actor, you will go into every acting class, audition, and directors session not open. You will be stuck and desperately holding onto one way to do it. If you are not kind and accepting of your artistic process, you are preventing yourself from being a vessel who humbly receives this gift that has been graciously bestowed to you. Carving out your vessel is not easy, which is why most actors take choice one and run from it. They know this is a different relationship that brings great feelings that are very uncomfortable. The challenge of it presents too difficult an obstacle. An obstacle that forces them to constantly go deeper, take full responsibility and face all they are. It brings up pain, fear, and feelings of unworthiness. It requires true commitment and care.
You might be asking, “If it’s so difficult, why do I make the second choice?”
It’s the difference between infatuation that is based on the external (ego) and love that lives steadfastly in the spirit. Confusing the two is the greatest form of resistance. A soul connection of love resides living in the unknown, unpredictable moment. Love presents the challenge of placing your entire heart on the line. And while we once feared it, we know deep down, this kind of love will never leave us.
If we know this then why all this resistance? When we run it’s because we do not feel ourselves capable of giving this same kind of love in return. We do not really put our hearts on the line as in the end it is not the other person or our art we feel will betray us. It’s us that are the betrayers. And we know it. Others have caused us pain, left us, treated us with blatant disrespect and dishonor so we are not open because we believe it will happen again—another lie of resistance. All past situations occurred as an offering to awaken. To make us hold our integrity. To understand the difference so when we meet a soul flame along the way we recognize it.
When you make the commitment to self for the healing to take place, to rise as the champion you are, and to be resilient instead of caving to resistance to all distractions of the mind or of the external, you will be ready to make the higher choice. Running or resistance will not a part of your self’s equation.
Constance Tillotson is CEO of Sterling Studio. Her studio had over 200 bookings last year. Actors in her studio are renowned for their extraordinary work in major feature films and television. Her booking actors range from 5-years-old on up. She is also a top pick for private theatrical coaching and preproduction preparation. She is an actor, writer, director, and producer. She also works globally with children building self-esteem through filmmaking. She is a talent manager at LA Management where she helms the careers of a select group of successful clientele. www.facebook.com/sterlingstudio
Follow her on Twitter @amconstance