I’m not a religious man, but I do have a spiritual side. That might explain what happened to me exactly one year ago during Easter weekend. Warning! You might find this story difficult to believe. Hell, I still do. But it’s as real as the 10 percent commission I collect when a client books a job.
I was hiking in the hills near the Hollywood sign; I remember it was overcast, and the skies were shrouded with ominous clouds. My state of mind was positive. Pilot season had ended on a good note, and I was thinking how great it felt to be out in nature, where phones have no reception and actors are nowhere to be seen.
Then, it happened.
The skies parted; lightning sparked; a voice rang out. There was no mistaking who that voice belonged to. He simply said, “Hello!” And then he gave me a list of commandments I was to pass along to every actor I meet. (Look, I won’t lie. It was a little disappointing that he didn’t give me any personal advice, but I guess that’s the way higher beings roll.)
An hour later, everyone in the parking area was surprised to see a man in a suit—yes, I always wear a suit, even when I’m hiking—come down the hill holding two tablets with holy words written on them. (Actually, they weren’t really tablets. They were just two pieces of siding I pulled off the Hollywood sign so I could have something to write on. When faced with a miracle, you have to make do.)
Anyway, yours truly had a job to do. A calling. The holiest of missions. So here we go. These are the 10 commandments I was asked to give you exactly one year ago during a mystical hike to a tourist attraction:
- Thou shalt never, ever pitch an agent on social media.
- The weekend is holy and thou shalt not approach an agent during this time of rest.
- Ditto for holidays.
- Thou shalt not bear false witness against your former agent when meeting a new one.
- Honor your agent, that your days be long in the land of acting.
- Thou shalt never, ever embarrass your agent by behaving poorly in the church of casting.
- Thou shalt study. Always. Training is eternal, like a fart in a sealed room. (I added that last part.)
- Thou shalt not succumb to jealousy at other actors’ fame and fortune, but rather have faith that thine own success cometh in due time.
- Thou shalt be a force of positive energy in a negative business.
- Thou. Shalt. Act!
I agree with all these commandments and I could easily add 10 more, but I’m not about to give the big guy any notes—that would be a bad move, and I’ve made enough of those during my years as an agent.
So, take these commandments and go out and spread the word! In a business where rules are constantly broken, these 10 should serve you well. And if you’re feeling bold, add a few more based on your own experiences. I’m sure you-know-who would be fine with that.
Oh, and Happy Easter!
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