I’m a huge comic book fan, and I just finished reading a few that take place in the Bizarro World. If you’re not familiar with this place, it’s a cube-shaped planet (also known as Htrae) created by Superman’s evil clone, Bizarro, where everyone and everything is the exact opposite of their counterparts on Earth. (Htrae is Earth spelled backward!) Get the picture?
Well, I had so much fun reading these books that I decided to invite the Bizarro World’s version of Secret Agent Man to step off the page and help me write this week’s column. What follows is his best advice for every single actor on Earth.
- If you need new headshots and you’re tight on money, have a friend take your pictures. A new iPhone will do the job nicely.
- It’s perfectly OK to exaggerate the credits on your résumé. That’s the way things are done in this business. Only suckers tell the truth.
- Referrals don’t have to be real. When you’re looking for representation, just pick the name of a random casting director and tell the agent that person referred you. After all, no one checks this stuff.
- If you have representation, be rude and curt with your agent’s assistant. Those people are just underpaid chimps who answer phones for a living. It’s not like your agent will ever find out.
- Don’t use traffic apps to plan your route and departure time for auditions. It’s better to just wing it.
- There’s no need to tell your agent that you’re looking for a manager. Just sign with anyone you like. Agents love surprises.
- If you book a job and the check goes straight to you, don’t send your reps the commission right away. Take your time. There’s no rush and no one will care.
- Call your agent after every single audition to see if they’ve heard anything. We love these calls and they bring us closer together.
- Even better, always ask for feedback.
- If you get dropped by your agent, hold a grudge as long as possible. Let the anger build inside you like a festering boil. This is the best way to get your career back on track.
In addition to this fascinating advice, my poorly dressed counterpart from the Bizarro World had some words of wisdom for me, too—and I love what he had to say! From now on, I’m going to ignore character descriptions on breakdowns and submit every client I have for every role. I’m sure casting directors will appreciate my creativity. I will also stop pitching and just wait for auditions to roll in after I submit. That will be much more effective. And, best of all, I’ll stop assuming every successful client I have is being targeted by larger companies. That’s just paranoia, and it represents an unhealthy way to live. After all, most people in this business have good intentions.
So, enjoy this new approach to your career. I’m sure going to! And if you happen to see me at the Farmer’s Market on a Sunday morning, feel free to walk over and hand me your picture and résumé. I now love this sort of thing. And who knows? We might even become besties like me and my Bizarro pal!
Ever wonder what agents are really thinking? Get more from Secret Agent Man here!