Doing This 1 Thing Led Marnee Carpenter Through the Bad Times—and to ‘Clarice’

The following Career Dispatches essay was written by Marnee Carpenter, who stars on the new CBS hit series “Clarice.” 

“You know who you are; trust it and run.”

I should not be allowed to give my younger self advice. I can thank her, though, because she powered through. I would not change a thing about what has made up my life thus far. That does not mean that I do not have any regrets; of course I do. But I believe that each piece makes the whole picture, even if more than a few of those pieces are jagged. There are many facepalm moments, many tumbles, apologies I’ve owed, and things I wish I had seen coming so I could avoid them. But alas, here I am, learning every step of the way. 

I feel truly lucky to have known who I was at a young age. I was 8 when I knew what I wanted, and 12 when I stopped trying to fit in. I still get anxious, insecure, and worry about things I have no control over, but at my core I can trust that compass.

I am someone who has been verbally abused every day on a film job that I had really wanted. I am someone who took it to heart when multiple people told me my “small teeth” or “gum line” would prevent me from having a career on camera. I am someone who was told to “do something else” by a teacher. I am someone who had a partner tell me to really concentrate on that back-up plan (that I didn’t have) because it “might not happen.” 

I don’t know if you’ve heard, but this acting gig is a tough one to come by (collective gasp). I am someone who saw so many auditions come through with characters described as “girl next door/free spirit” that I wanted to chuck my laptop out the window. I knew I was capable of something different.

The list of ways and reasons to be defeated go on and on like a long scarf coupon receipt from a drugstore: 1/10 stars would not recommend for winter wear or progress. Do not let anyone else’s limiting belief define you and do not let someone tell you, “This is how it’s done.” I still have yet to meet two actors who have the same story. How boring would that be? We are always learning about ourselves and others. We are not a result. We are never finished.

My sister is really great at emergency preparedness. I am not, but one thing I can offer without hesitation for creative life preparedness is that you need your family; that will likely be a conglomerate of given and chosen people (and pets). It is so necessary to put yourself out there with people who support you and recognize you on a deep level. People are going to show up for you in different areas. While you may see completely eye to eye with someone creatively, chances are you will need someone else to vent to about your annoying neighbor, a different person to help you get through a day job, and yet another to help you do your best work for a self-tape. 

Being truly seen by my family—given and chosen—is what allows me to show up day after day, in a completely unpredictable space and career. Find your people. The only way that’s possible is if you come as you are.