Let’s talk about sex (to reference the great Salt-N-Pepa). Since it’s not the taboo it once was, you may find you want to bring in something a little risqué to an audition. From sexy to somber to silly, here are just a few fantastic monologues, soliloquies, and speeches about sex.
1. “When Harry Met Sally…”: Sally deconstructs sex with her ex
In this classic film, directed by Rob Reiner, Sally (Meg Ryan) breaks down the pitfalls of her last relationship, and sure, it’s about sex—until it isn’t. While some actors may have a negative knee-jerk reaction about doing such recognizable material, the monologue is very open to interpretation. Ryan gives a great performance, keeping things conversational and somewhat ambiguous about whether or not she’s really over Joe (Steven Ford)—but it could just as easily (and honestly) be given a read that’s breezier or more somber.
Sally: When Joe and I first started seeing each other, we wanted exactly the same thing. We wanted to live together, but we didn’t want to get married because anytime anyone we knew got married, it ruined their relationship. They practically never had sex again. It’s true, it’s one of the secrets no one ever tells you. I would sit around with my girlfriends who have kids well, my one girlfriend who has kids, Alice, and she would complain about how she and Gary never did it anymore. She didn’t even complain about it now that I think about it. She just said it matter-of-factly. She said they were up all night, they were both exhausted, the kids just took every sexual impulse out of them. And Joe and I used to talk about it and we’d say we were so lucky to have this wonderful relationship, we can have sex on the kitchen floor and not worry about the kids walking in; we can fly off to Rome on a moment’s notice. And then one day I was taking Alice’s little girl for the afternoon because I’d promised her I’d take her to the circus and we were in the cab playing “I Spy.” I spy a mailbox, I spy a lamppost, and she looked out the window and she saw this man and this woman and these two little kids, and the man had one of the kids on his shoulders and Alice’s little girl said, “I spy a family,” and I started to cry. You know, I just started crying. And I went home and I said, “The thing is, Joe, we never do fly off to Rome on a moment’s notice.” And that kitchen floor? Not once. It’s this very cold, hard Mexican ceramic tile. Anyway, we talked about it for a long time and I said, “This is what I want,” and he said, “Well, I don’t,” and I said, “Well, I guess it’s over,” and he left. And the thing is, I feel fine. I am over him, I mean, I really am over him. That was it for him, that was the most he could give, and every time I think about it, I am more and more convinced that I did the right thing.
2. “The Great”: Catherine gives her take on sex
In a scene that occurs in the first 10 minutes of Hulu’s black comedy series “The Great,” young and optimistic Catherine (Elle Fanning) is asked by her maid if she knows what to expect when it comes to sex. Catherine explains earnestly, with flowery and ridiculous language fresh out of a romance novel. It’s a comedic vehicle that is ultimately played straight; the comedy comes from just how idealistic and naïve Catherine’s views on sex are. Regardless, it’s a great (get it?) choice for any young woman looking for something that’s as funny as it is raunchy.
Catherine: Me, a married woman, how I dreamt of this… And did I tell you about the bear? I once dreamed of—well, I had a vision of a bear, and the bear embraced me, and my heart was aflame. And from that moment, I always knew I’d have a great love… You suppose me more naive than I am. My mother has explained everything… The man caresses you softly, pressing his lips to yours. Your breasts and skin awaken and shiver with palpitating joy. Between your legs quivers and moistens with longing. He enters you and you become one. Your bodies meld, your souls mesh. As a sensation takes hold of you, you fall into a black sky filled with the shiniest of stars. You float for a time in ecstasy, before waves of pleasure push and pull you back into your body. Your body ushers forth yelps, and sometimes song, before he and you explode within, collapsing together, spent and unified. Then, you lay together, laughing softly, weeping occasionally with ecstatic joy, and finally, he wraps his arms around you, whispers poetry softly into your ear, and you fall into a...delicious sleep.
3. “Chasing Amy”: Silent Bob speaks up
When Holden (Ben Affleck) finds he can’t stop thinking about his current infatuation’s sexual past, in this Kevin Smith–directed rom-com, he turns to friends Jay (Jason Mewes) and the appropriately named Silent Bob (Kevin Smith) for advice. In an uncharacteristic twist, it’s Bob who offers him advice, relaying a cautionary “one that got away” story. It’s conversational, casual, but pointed: Not just a run-of-the-mill story monologue, Bob is trying to prevent Holden from making the same mistakes.
Silent Bob: So there’s me an’ Amy, and we’re all inseparable, right? Just big time in love. And then about four months down the road, the idiot gear kicks in, and I ask about the ex-boyfriend, which, as we all know, is a really dumb move, but you know how it is—you don’t really want to know, but you just have to know, right? Stupid guy bullshit. Anyway she starts telling me all about him—how they fell in love, and how they went out for a couple of years, how they lived together, her mother likes me better, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah—and I’m okay. But then she drops the bomb on me, and the bomb is this: it seems that a couple of times, while they were going out, he’d brought some people to bed with them—ménage a trois, I believe it’s called. Now this just blows my mind, right? I mean, I am not used to that sort of thing. I was raised Catholic, for God’s sakes… So I’m totally weirded out by this right? And I just start blasting her—like I don’t know how to deal with what I’m feeling, so I figure the best way is by calling her “slut,” and tell her she was used—I mean, I’m out for blood. I really want to hurt this girl. And I’m like “What the f*** is your problem?” and she’s just all calmly trying to tell me, like, it was that time, it was that place, and she doesn’t think she should apologize because she doesn’t feel that she’s done anything wrong. And I’m like, “Oh, really?” That’s when I look her straight in the eye and tell her it’s over. I walk… No, idiot. It was a mistake. I wasn’t disgusted with her, I was afraid. At that moment, I felt small—like...like I’d lacked experience, like I’d never be on her level, like I’d never be enough for her or something like that, you know what I’m sayin’? But what I did not get—she didn’t care. She wasn’t looking for that guy anymore. She was...she was looking for me, for—for the Bob. But, uh, by the time I figured this all out, it was too late, you know. She’d moved on, and all I had to show for it was some foolish pride, which then gave way to regret. She was the girl, I know that now. But I pushed her away. So I’ve spent every day since then chasing Amy...so to speak.
4. “Shrill”: Annie discusses her relationship with Ryan
@binge Rawdogging is literally his favourite thing. #Shrill #AidyBryant #LollyAdefope #Rawdog #BirthControl #Baby #Pregnant #Accident #Girls #TV #TVSeries #TVShow #TVClip #TVClips #Show #Series #Clip #Clips #BINGE #ISawItOnBINGE ♬ original sound - BINGE
In the pilot episode of Hulu’s “Shrill,” journalist Annie (Aidy Bryant) finds out she’s pregnant. The father? Her emotionally stunted man-child boyfriend, Ryan (Luka Jones). In this snippet, she weighs her options (and questionable safe-sex practices) with her roommate Fran. It has a shocking, attention-grabbing opener, that’s for sure, but it eventually gives way to something softer and more vulnerable, providing any actor a wonderful opportunity to show range.
Annie: I don’t know, Ryan loves to raw dog. It’s literally his favorite thing. So how could I take away his favorite thing? I just… you know, I’ve been using the morning-after pill and it didn’t work. It’s just, he liked me and I didn’t want him to stop liking me. So I just went with it. What do you think I should do? I keep having this little thought of like… maybe this is my chance to be a mom. I just mean, like… there have been moments in my life where I, like, didn’t think that I would ever get to have that, you know? Because of what I looked like or because there’s a certain way that your body is supposed to be and I’m not that. And that, maybe, if I was just sweet enough and nice enough and easygoing enough with any guy that that would be enough for someone.
5. “30 Rock”: Liz has a sexual breakthrough
While stuck in a taxi with her boss Jack Donaghy on Season 5, Episode 5 of NBC sitcom “30 Rock,” notorious prude Liz Lemon (Tina Fey) mentions she’s having intimacy issues. When pressed on it, she traces its origin to an embarrassing incident from her childhood. Probably the most hilarious (but certainly not the only) unfortunate sex saga of Liz’s, this monologue is the perfect vehicle for anyone who can come close to Fey’s comedic timing.
Liz: Carol and I are having an intimacy problem. I was visiting Carol in Las Vegas, and there was… a performance issue. It’s me. I’m the one with the performance problem. I freaked out, and my junk closed for business. It’s like Fort Knox down there. Stop asking me about the roller skates! I was nine years old. I was roller-skating in the house, which was absolutely forbidden. I was skating down the hallway on top of the world with my new skates and my new haircut, which everybody thought was a Dorothy Hamill, but was actually a Pete Rose. Anyway, I needed to go to the bathroom, but the door was locked. My recently divorced aunt had moved in with us, and I was sharing a bathroom with her. To be prepared, I tried to take my underpants off over my roller skates. I slipped, and as I fell, I pulled down this poster of the singer Tom Jones that my aunt had put up. My mom heard the noise and ran and found me... Squirming under the Tom Jones poster with my underpants around my ankles. It didn't look good, Jack. She thought I did it on purpose. And she didn’t say a word. She just went in my room and took all my posters... Grizzly Adams, Larry Wilcox, Han Solo, Tug McGraw, Mike Schmidt, Kermit, Gunther Gebel-Williams. She took all the people away, Jack. Sex makes the people go away!
6. “I Ought to Be in Pictures”: Libby talks to her dad
In Libby’s monologue from Neil Simon’s 1980 play, teen Libby decides to hash it out with her estranged father, asking him candid questions about sex. It’s funny, awkward, and honest, providing a great vehicle for a younger female performer. Even though it’s longer, you can easily cut it down, which makes it a good pick if you need a monologue with several different versions to fit any audition’s specifications (30 seconds, a minute, two minutes, etc.).
Libby: I was wondering if I could discuss something with you. It’s about sex. Don’t get nervous. If you get nervous, I’ll get nervous. I’m in trouble...I mean...I don’t know how to do anything sexual. Most of the people left the party. And Gordon and I were sitting at the bottom of the hill in a car. And he wanted to fool around. He’s not gorgeous but he’s kinda cute. And I felt very grateful to him, and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. And I wanted to fool around too. Only I didn’t know what was right. I didn’t want to be one of those girls they call “easy,” but I didn’t want to be impossible either. So I just kissed him and got out of the car and decided not to deal with it. But this Saturday night I think I’m going to have to deal with it. I never talked about these things with my mother because she doesn’t trust men too much. You can guess why. And Grandma… well, sex isn’t her best subject. I brought it up a couple of times but she pretended she was dead. I know how sex works. I don’t have any mechanical problems. I’ve seen five X-rated movies. I could pass a test on it. I just don’t know what to expect—emotionally. And I need to discuss it and you’re my father. And what you think means a lot to me. If it’s a major trauma for you, I understand. I mean, I could always take a couple of glasses of wine and just plunge in. I’ve got to have my first time sometime. If it’s not Gordon, I could always use the information. Should I ask you some questions? Well… Emotionally, is it different for the man than it is for the girl? It is? How old were you the first time? FIFTEEN? Who was the girl? Okay, nevermind. So, what was it like with Mom?... That’s a very personal question, isn’t it? Did you do it with her before or after you were married? She said after. I knew she lied. She just couldn’t talk to me about those things. That’s why I’m talking to you. I wanted to know how she felt. If she was scared or excited. Was it fun? Was it painful? I didn’t think it was an unreasonable question. I mean, if she could teach me how to walk, why couldn’t she teach me how to love? So what was she like? Making love. Because she was so angry when you left. So bitter. I don’t think she ever slept with another man after you were gone. It’s like when you left, you took her with you. That’s why I was so angry with you. It was bad enough you were gone, but you could have left my mother there for me. She used to hug me so hard sometimes. Like she was trying to squeeze all the love out of me that she wasn’t getting anywhere else. So instead of growing up to be me, I grew up to be a substitute—I know Grandma’s dead. I know she probably can’t hear me. But I speak to her every day anyway because I’m not so sure anyone else is listening. If I have to go for an interview, my heart pounds so much you can see it coming through my blouse. If you want the God’s honest truth, I don’t even want to be an actress. I don’t know the first thing about acting. I don’t know what I want to be… I just wanted to come out here and see you. I just wanted to know what you were like. I wanted to know why I was so frightened every time a boy wanted to reach out and touch me… I just wanted somebody in the family to hold me because it was me, Libby, and not somebody who wasn’t there. I love Mom so much. I didn’t mean to say anything against her. It’s just that she won’t let me inside. When she holds me, all I can feel is her arms… but I never feel what’s inside. Boy oh boy… Really opened up the old waterworks. I never expected to do that. I hope you have flood insurance.
7. “In the Boom Boom Room”: Susan’s high school romance
In this spicy monologue from David Rabe’s 1973 play, go-go dancer Susan describes one of her high school romances. It’s a good choice if you’re looking for a quirky monologue that shows range, as the story quickly goes from light and sexy to a little unhinged. And, frankly, if you want to keep it strictly to sex and avoid the “attempted murder” portion, the first half could be performed by itself.
Susan: All through my sophomore year in high school, I was in love with a boy and we were sleeping together in the back seat of his car. He was the captain of the football team and I was only a sophomore. Sometimes when my folks weren’t home, we would make it on the couch, so one time toward the end of the summer after his senior year, he came by when nobody was home. I could smell beer on him, but I couldn’t not do what he wanted. He asked me to take off all my clothes and went to a kitchen cabinet and came back with the butter dish. “I’m gonna cover you with butter, Susan,” he said. He moved his hands real slow and soft, butter over every part of me. Then he said, “Bye-Bye,” and went out the door, and I remember thinking, “What is this to do to the future Homecoming Queen?” and found out the next day how he’d had his first date with a new girl that night. My father had a gun. So I waited in a little park across the street from this boy’s house, and when he showed I went over and said to him, “Look what I got.” “What?” he said. I waved it. “Wow,” he said. “That’s right,” I told him. And there was this Mickey Spillane book called “Vengeance Is Mine” I had just read, so I said, “Vengeance Is Mine.” “I got a full scholarship for football, Susan,” he said. “A Big Ten school.” And I shot him. I didn’t know you could be shot and not die, so I didn’t shoot him anymore. I just walked away. He lived and went on to play Big Ten football after a year delay. It’s somethin’, though, how once you shoot a man, they’re none of them the same any more, and you know how easy, if you got a gun, they fall down.