The following Career Dispatch essay was written by Taylor Louderman, who earned a Tony nomination for originating the role of Regina George in “Mean Girls” on Broadway. Currently, she’s starring opposite Kenan Thompson on the NBC series “Kenan"; Seasons 1 and 2 are available to stream on Peacock, Hulu, and One App.
I’ve thought a lot about success and happiness over the years, especially in a career so heavily influenced by luck. I achieved “success” early on in my work—but not at the same time I found happiness. My 16-year-old self, who dreamt of this life, would be appalled to hear such a thing. But I think she’s the one who made the mistake of dreaming shallowly: “I want to originate a leading role on Broadway.” That was the perspective of my little teenage self: hard work = success = happiness.
I started performing because I love storytelling, connecting with audiences, and the teamwork that comes with discovering the best way to deliver a story. I love belonging to a community and being a part of something bigger than myself, and I love having an outlet for self-expression—the challenge, the power to inspire others. It’s also therapeutic; I’d process emotions in my parents’ basement each night by “practicing” a musical theater song I related to. So when it came time to decide what to do with my life, I was set on acting as my vehicle for success.
Kenan Thompson Is Having the Last LaughI worked my heinie off and got into a reputable musical theater program. After my sophomore year of college, I found myself “living my dream”—originating a leading role on Broadway in “Bring It On: The Musical.” It was surreal and incredibly thrilling. I felt proud. I felt like I achieved what society had asked of me. I had an inflated sense of self-worth because my product—me—was thriving. And then the show closed, and I felt the opposite. Now, I was operating on the opposite side of the “success” spectrum: constant auditions, with desperation seeping through, followed by rejection.
“I was looking for joy in all the wrong places. I was expecting to find it in recognition, status, money, and bookings.”
This same scenario played out a few more times before I realized I was looking for joy in all the wrong places. I was expecting to find it in recognition, status, money, and bookings. And don’t get me wrong—those things are nice; but beyond paying the bills, they’re illusory and fleeting. Happiness, it turns out, isn’t as tangled up in the “success” equation as I’d thought. It is actually much more tied up in the process—to all the things that pulled me toward performing in the first place: connection, discovery, inspiration, teamwork, growth, and self-expression.
I feel a sense of progress and joy when I’m in a state of flow, whether I’m working on a self-tape; in rehearsals for “Mean Girls” on Broadway; working on a community theater production; taping “Kenan” for NBC; making a video for TikTok; or working with my new nonprofit, Write Out Loud. I can access the joy of making progress every step of the way.
I have redefined success for myself so that happiness is a more dominant ingredient and so that I can celebrate progress no matter what platform I’m working with. I find much more steadiness in this roller coaster of a career now. I wish I could tell all of this to my younger self.
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