As Chef Gusteau says in Disney Pixar’s “Ratatouille”: “If you focus on what you left behind, you’ll never be able to see what lies ahead.” So let’s dive into some ways to deal with disappointment that don’t involve eating a box of chocolate truffles and yelling at the TV (although we won’t judge if that’s your thing!).
1. Embrace the suck (aka disappointment).
Disappointment isn’t fun—but it’s also extremely normal. According to cognitive psychology professor Robert N. Kraft, accepting this emotional punch to the gut is the first step to understanding it. So go ahead and allow yourself to feel those feelings. Cry, scream into a pillow, or dramatically recite Hamlet’s soliloquy to your cat. Get it all out, because only then can you move on and start feeling better.
7 Ways to Combat Self-Pity2. Think about the numbers.
Remember, most auditions are like “Highlander”: There can only be one. Hundreds or even thousands of hopefuls might be vying for that one coveted role. So next time you’re feeling down, just remember that it’s likely not even about you.
3. Keep it real (but not too real).
As clinical psychologist Mary C. Lamia advises, it’s crucial to “construct realistic appraisals of what you need, avoid idealizing what could be, and come to terms with what you have.” In other words, dream big, but maybe don’t quit your day job just yet. Being realistic about the ups and downs of the industry can help cushion the blow when things don’t go your way.
4. Ditch the comparison game.
As Jodie Comer (“Killing Eve,” “The Bikeriders”) once said, “I have spent a lot of time looking at what other people are doing in their careers and comparing and I don’t think that’s healthy, you know? I think you’re on your own track. Just concentrate on yourself and don’t worry about what anyone else is doing.” So stop stalking your rival’s Instagram and focus on your own journey. Your path is unique—embrace it!
5. Celebrate the now.
If you have a roof over your head, scored a callback last month, or finally mastered that tricky tap dance routine, celebrate it all! Focusing on the positives can help balance out the sting of rejection.
6. Keep your eyes on the prize.
Remember why you started this crazy journey in the first place. Was it to become the next Adam Driver? To see your name in lights? To prove to your high school drama teacher that you’re more than just “Villager #3” material? Whatever your reason, hold onto it tight. It’s your North Star in the stormy seas of rejection.
7. Never stop learning.
Take it from the man with the voice of God himself, Morgan Freeman (“Bruce Almighty,” “The Shawshank Redemption”): “Failure is part of life. If you don’t fail, you don’t learn. If you don’t learn, you’ll never change.” So treat each rejection as a master class in perseverance. Who knows? Maybe that 100th audition will be the one that lands you your big break.
8. Treat yourself.
Summon your best Donna (Retta) and Tom (Aziz Ansari) from “Parks and Recreation” and “treat yo’ self!” Sometimes, the best way to deal with disappointment is to pamper yourself. Take a bubble bath, binge-watch your favorite show, or indulge in that fancy chocolate you’ve been saving. Whatever it is that helps you feel good, do it and give yourself that grace.
9. Wave disappointment goodbye.
According to therapeutic counselor Dahlian Kirby, if you want to know how to cope with disappointment, it can help to “give yourself a time limit to mourn the disappointment…and then say goodbye to it.” The mourning period could mean reflecting on what could have been, reframing how your time might be spent now, or just imagining the lost opportunity in a less-than-desirable way. So go ahead and have your pity party—but when the timer dings, it’s time to move on.
10. Be persistent.
The Italian Stallion himself Sylvester Stallone said, “I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat.” So channel your inner Rocky and keep fighting—but remember that persistence doesn’t mean bulldozing ahead all the time. Maybe you need to switch up your strategy or work on a different project, but never stop moving forward.
11. Take inspiration from the stars.
Still feeling down? Remember that even the biggest stars have faced rejection. Check out how these famous actors deal with it. If they can bounce back from rejection and disappointment, so can you!
Remember, in the words of the great philosopher Dory (Ellen DeGeneres) from “Finding Nemo,” just keep swimming. Or in our case, just keep auditioning, creating, and reaching for the stars. Your big break is out there—go find it!
