‘Showtrial’ Star Tracy Ifeachor on Dealing With Bullying

The following Career Dispatch essay was written by Tracy Ifeachor, who’s currently starring on the BBC One drama ‘Showtrial.’ Episodes are broadcast every Sunday, or you can watch them all on BBC iPlayer.

I’m a very practical person, and I love a solid plan. However, my faith reminds me that ‘man makes plans, but the Lord determines the steps.’ To me, this means: Let go. Leave room for something greater than yourself, your ideas, and your expectations. Allow things to change, and to be changed by others.

If I could give my younger self some advice, I would say: Nobody starts at the finish line, and don’t seek to control everything. After all, something better might come around the corner right after your ‘amazing plan’ doesn’t work out.

My biggest disappointments have always been directly linked to my biggest blessings. I’ve travelled the world, lived and worked in 22 different countries and cities, and seen amazing things I never even dreamed of. If I had known all this years ago, I would have spent more time enjoying the journey and less time worrying about where I was going. (I’m still working on that last part.)

My second piece of advice to myself would be to always remember: You matter.

That might not sound like a big deal, but it really is. When I walk into an audition now, I try to remember all the things I have done to be there. I used to walk into rooms and just be grateful I was there and hoped they liked what I was offering. Now, I realise that, as actors, we can walk in, still grateful but also appreciating and knowing our collective value.

During my Devonshire school days, I was badly bullied as one of only four Black kids in a school of 1,800 students. It got so bad that they stuck me in the little room they reserved for the kids who were just about to be expelled. I was a kind, caring, high-achieving student, but that’s where they put me when the bullying escalated. 

I couldn’t believe how many many hours, days and weeks I spent in that windowless room, my work being handed to me between classes by the few students still brave enough to be seen with me. I will be forever grateful to them. I’m also still extremely appreciative to my head of year at that time; he really encouraged and saw me. Having that one voice of support in the midst of a sea of hostility made all the difference and helped me to focus on life beyond that point in time. He taught me that I did matter, very much, even though it didn’t feel that way at the time. That’s why being one of the first dark-skinned women to lead a show on BBC One was and is so important to me. The thing that set me apart and alienated me has become a pillar, hopefully even a beacon, not just to me but for those looking for representation in similar situations.

If this is something you are going through, I want you to know that you matter. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, and there are organisations that can and will help you come through this.

I would advise my younger self to carefully deal with uncomfortable memories so they don’t end up following you around. I would say: Allow healing to come; it’s hard but important work, you’re stronger without the pain. And forgive, so that the past doesn’t control your future. Do the work, because you matter. This doesn’t mean you’re more important than others; it simply means that you value yourself. Then, and only then, can you truly value others.

No matter what has happened in the past, good or bad, I use it to make me stronger in the present. I learnt so much from being in that little room, and I know that God used even the bad for my good. Whatever you’ve been through or are going through, use it—and get counselling. I’m a big advocate of looking after and maintaining good mental health. There’s no shame in reaching out. That’s courageous.

You can contact UK Samaritans 24/7 on 116 123.